"You just simply have to adjust the dials." David D. Burns, M.D.

Tonight I resume my discussion of David D. Burns book, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. This chapter includes some blunt statements about the ways in which we depressed folks alter reality in ways equivalent to world-renowned majicians. I'll start with a list of these ways.

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking: This is pretty self-explanatory. As an example, consider my apartment in the current state it is in. I've been thinking that I should clean it for some time but I don't want to do it until I can clean it perfectly. That means I have to take a whole day to clean it up to my expectations. Meanwhile, dishes are piling up in the sink, papers and books are piling on my desk and dust continues to gather on the floor, not to mention the bags of recyclable products that need to go outside.

2. Overgeneralization: This is the assumption that if something bad happens once, it will always work out that way. Another example of this from my personal life would be in regard to my efforts to communicate with people in Korean. Recently, during English Camp, people had a hard time understanding me when I tried to say, "영어 캠프는 거의 끝냈어요 (English Camp is almost finished)". If I am applying the distortion of overgeneralization, I would tend to think that NOBODY will be able to understand me when I say the Korean word for "finished" and I could carry it to the next level and say that nobody will EVER be able to understand what I say in Korean.

3. Mental Filter: This is where a person picks out a negative aspect of a particular situation and focuses only on that negative aspect. This distortion has probably made itself known best in my view of the world and all of its problems. For example, there was a time when I first came to South Korea when it seemed like there was nothing but bad news and I became very depressed as I felt overwhelmed about making any difference in the world, not considering the good things that people were doing in the word.

4. Disqualifying the Positive: Dr. Burns gives the example of somebody saying something nice and the receiver of the compliment thinking, "Oh, they're just being nice" (35). This happens to me when somebody tells me I'm a good teacher and I respond by saying or thinking, "If I'm such a good teacher then how come my students don't speak English better?" I suspect there is another distortion going on here as well.

5. Jumping to Conclusions: Dr. Burns divides this into two categories, (1) Mind-reading and (2) The Fortune Teller Error (37). The former is where one assumes that a person is acting in a certain way for a certain reason. Recently I e-mailed two professors about working at an NGO in Korea. Neither of them responded so I assumed they just didn't want to have any kind of correspondence with me, not considering the possibilities that they didn't receive the e-mail, they didn't understand the e-mail since it was written in Korean or that they simply forget to respond.

In the latter category, this is defined as predicting things will go a certain way. We call this self-fulfilled prophecy. I suppose I've seen this in my relationship with Sinae where I have a feeling that we're going to eventually get into a fight and then we eventually do. Or when I think to myself that she wouldn't love me if she really knew who I was and then I exaggerate mistakes I have made.

6. Magnification and Minimization: Dr. burns compares this to using binoculars but not using them in the appropriate way. It's like looking through the small lense and seeing our personal mistakes bigger than what they really are and seeing our good points as being smaller than what they really are. I see this in my relationships in a number of ways. When it comes to talking to someone and I make a small mistake (not speaking loud enough if I'm speaking in Korean or if I speak too loud when I am teaching and interrupt another class) and then when it comes to the good points why a person might want to have a conversation with me at all, those points are so small that I can't even see them.

7. Emotional Reasoning: This is where a person sees the way s/he feels and perceives her/himself as being that way in reality. I see this in myself when I feel guilt and automatically assume I am a bad person.

8. Should Statements: This is where a person tells oneself that s/he should, ought, must do something. If you know me at all, you know I fall suspect to this all the time. Here is a list of the ways I feel like I should: I should clean my apartment. I should study Korean. I should read Korean childrens' books. I should buy a new heater in my office so I can work there and stay warm. I should call my friends in America. I should prepare more for classes. I should do whatever it takes to help students improve their English. I should be careful in the ways I interact with women. I should apply for a TESOL or TEFL certification class. I should exercise. I should get up earlier. I should make more friends.

I like what Dr. Burns and (Dr?) Albert Ellis call this dysfunction: 'musturbation' and 'shouldy' (respectively, 39).

9. Labeling and Mislabeling: Dr. Burns calls this, "The measure of a man is the mistakes he makes" (ibid). Instead of a person just recognizing s/he made a mistake, s/he shames oneself for the mistake s/he made. This happened to me today when I had to put more credit on my bus card so I could use it to get to the place where I was taught English later this evening. I found that place okay thanks to my phone but when I tried to find a coffee shop to keep warm (the reason I left my office early in the first place, to keep warm) and I must have walked outside for an hour in freezing cold before I went back to the first place where I intended to drink coffee to begin with. After this whole episode, I was fully convinced that I was the greatest moron on the planet because I couldn't even find a coffee shop, even though I had the Smartphone, with which I should be able to do the impossible. That experience ruined my joyful afternoon and fortunately my joyous time at Henulim redeemed my contented spirit.

As I understand it, labeling has to do with identifying a person as being flawed because of a mistake s/he made (oneself or someone else) whereas mislabeling has more to do with events. I see this happening in my life when it comes to me needing to prepare for a lesson and instead of doing that I end up checking my e-mail a million times or watching umpteen Korean dramas and then I tell myself afterwards, "I'm such a bum" which causes me to continue in such lazy conduct.

10. Personalization: Dr. Burns calls this "the mother of all guilt" (40). This is where a person blames herself for everything that goes wrong. Just ask my fiancée about this and what drives her crazy the most. If there is any question about who's fault it is, it is natural for me to assume this guilt myself. Somehow, I think I learned to do this as a child. If I ever had a bad attitude, a negative emotion, or just wanted to end the tension with my brother, I would either apologize for feeling the way I did and doing action that provoked the other person or I would apologize for something I clearly knew was wrong. Perhaps this was never really clear to me and so I found it easier to embrace this ambiguity by always being the one to say, "I'm sorry."

I hope I have understood all of these categories correctly. Though this was a lengthy process to write all of this out, I think it was easier for me to think of scenarios from my own life in the present or recent past than I thought it would be. I am not offering quick solutions because I think I need to really process these things and wait for the next chapter to tell me what to do with these emotions. But of course I welcome all readers to leave a comment. But if you are one of the many (?) who simple prefers to remain anonymous, thank you for suffering through this blog and reading me out.