Today is my paternal grandmother, Nora Dirks’ birthday. Of course she passed away when I was a university student but my memories of her continue. In fact, I would say I have a much greater appreciation for her now than I ever have before.
The more I get to know my wife, Sinae, the more I see similarities between her and Grandma Dirks. Although Grandma was an American, there was a rule at her house (I’m not sure if she made the rule or not) that you took off your shoes at the door. This was a nuisance at the time but after living in Korea for five years, it makes sense.
There are two areas where I think it is really a shame that the two of them couldn’t meet. One of those is in the area of cleanliness/organization. I remember seeing my grandma be the first one out of bed in the morning (I know this from sleeping on a hide-a-bed and seeing the light on before dawn) and the last person to sleep. And her house always seemed to be perfectly clean with everything properly organized. Sinae is the same way. In fact I don’t think either of them would have it any other way.
The other area is in regards to flowers. I think Sinae loves flowers as much as Grandma did. I remember the garden Grandma had behind her house in town. She really loved flowers. I remember seeing her smile from ear to ear when she looked at flowers (Of course I also remember how hard she worked at keeping her garden as clean as her house and how she tried to teach me to do the same, including pulling weeds. Yuck!). I really wish the two of them could’ve met. Sometimes I feel like I’ve traveled back in time and that I have married my grandma.
Which leads to something else I remember about Grandma that I also see in Sinae: a strong work ethic. My dad has often repeated the words that Grandma’s dad told her: “whatever you teach your kids, make sure they know how to work” (or something to that effect). That she did. Not only did she make sure her kids knew how to work, but also her grandkids.
Something else I remember about Grandma which I also see in Sinae was her ability to smile even when she didn’t necessarily agree. Now, lest I paint a picture that is unrealistic, Grandma didn’t ALWAYS smile (After all, she had a hard life like all women who marry into the Dirks family) but she seemed really good about it, especially with her kids. I remember my dad telling her about every detail of his mobile home business and how she would smile and say, “Oh, gee, Merlin”. I came to find out later that she didn’t agree with EVERYTHING my dad did but that she was very supportive.
To be honest, I didn’t get along real well with Grandma Dirks (And yet she is the one I find myself remembering on her birthday more than my maternal grandmother whom I was much closer too). When I was a child, she seemed worried about me getting hurt so I couldn’t ride a tractor very easily and Grandma was very reluctant about letting me play outside on a hot, summer day.
Then, one day, when I was about 16 years old, something changed. I had just returned from a youth conference that cost more money than my grandma thought I should’ve spent. As far as I was concerned, it was a grace-filled conference and since I paid for it myself or had worked for it at youth group fundraisers, I didn’t see what the fuss was about. Actually, I got upset and left the table. I’m not proud of it but I cried in spite of being a high school guy. And for the first time, Grandma seemed to take my opinion seriously.
Now Grandma was a Christian, a strong Lutheran Christian. She was faithful to the church she and Grandpa Dirks attended for so many years and the faith she had went with her everywhere she went. She spoke of God in a way that showed she knew God and had a personal relationship with God in Christ by the Spirit. I guess that’s why she didn’t see the point of spending lots of money to meet God when as far as she knew, God would meet you before you even laid down a penny.
There are two conversations I had with Grandma that I consider priceless conversations. One was when she compared me to her eldest son, Don, who was killed in a train wreck before my older brother was born in 1975 so neither of us got to meet him. I didn’t know a lot about him except that all of his brothers, who don’t always get along real well, all seemed to respect him. Grandma said, “You remind me of Donny”.
The other time was when Grandma and I stayed in the car while my dad and his younger brother, Kenneth, went inside to look at the first house that Grandma and Grandpa Dirks owned. I don’t remember exactly what the subject was. It must have been about old houses or classic cars. I just remember my Grandma, who never seemed to disagree with my dad in front of me when I was younger, turned to me and said, “I don’t know why your dad gets so excited about older things” or something to that effect. The subject was not as important as the fact that Grandma was being honest with me.
Another area where I see similarities between Grandma Dirks and Sinae is in regard to family. Grandma Dirks often told her sons, “Blood is thicker than water”. Now I realize that statement may be often used out of context but the lesson is still applicable: to Grandma, family was important. If she wasn’t able to contact all of her sons, she worried about them. And of course having lost her oldest son to a train accident, one could hardly blame her for never quite getting over that. Perhaps that is why she seemed so protective of me and why it looked like she favored my older brother over me. Honestly, I’m not always an easy person to get along with. And I think Sinae would agree with that.
It’s funny the things we remember about a person. If Grandma were sitting next to me now, and she saw me writing all of these things out, I envision her smiling. But she wouldn’t stop with a smile. She would also offer her thoughts which I hope I’d be a lot more receptive to than I was before. Yes, I would even let her cut my pizza into little, bite-sized pizzas and maybe even comb my hair.
