I heard a story today that touched my heart in the most mysterious way. Before I tell that story, I'd like to tell a story of my own about someone very dear to me who died without me even being able to say goodbye to her.
My favorite place to go when I was a child was to my mom's hometown, actually six miles or so outside of city limits. My friend was a person of few words and had a love that seemed to know no end. When it came time for my parents to want to leave, Grandma would always ask us if we would like to have some ice cream and cake before we leave. Eventually my brother and I learned this was a good way to delay our departure back home which took several hours. We learned to say, "Grandma, can I have some ice cream." Because she loved us more than her own self, she would always say yes. And we were usually able to buy another thirty minutes or so before we had to leave.
Unfortunately, Grandma is not here with us, at least not in visible site. And that is why the next story I want to tell is so touching. The story is quite simple. There was a person who ate ice cream at the graveside where his parents were buried. That's the story. And there is something that is literally bittersweet (no pun intended) about that kind of a scenario. I imagine myself doing that very thing, asking Grandma why she didn't call me while she was in the hospital or why she didn't do this or that to prevent her passing. And I know that as I eat that ice cream that Grandma is somehow with me just as the person who actually did this experienced her or his loved ones' presence as s/he ate that ice cream.
Friday, June 24, 2011
To Know or Not to Know...that is the question
Yesterday, I thought I was doing a good thing. I have to finish grades by Sunday night and I am also in the midst of preparing for my wedding with Sinae which will happen in various phases. Yesterday, I was confronted with two questions I've struggled with before: (1) the relationship between church and government and (2) the relationship between knowledge and choices.
I read on the US Embassy site that the marriage takes place at the District Office. I didn't realize that disregarded any public profession of one's commitment to one's spouse. I thought that Sinae and I would go to the courthouse together and take the next step to getting married. I didn't realize that our marriage would be complete in that one step.
As we walked about of the courthouse, I learned that what I thought was just a signature for something I didn't understand was a signature to commit oneself to one's spouse.
Of course, once it was brought to my attention that I had acted out of oblivion, there was a question of how much accountability I would have. Would it matter how much I knew or didn't know? Obviously I was not looking to get out of the commitment I had made, just to receive a little understanding over my blunder. After all, we still have two ceremonies left, not to mention the wedding night.
In spite of all the debate about how much separation of Church and State there is or ought to be in America, I saw that some countries have more separation than the most liberal politician might dream of. There seems to be a paradox because in the eyes of the law Sinae and I are really married and yet we won't be spending the night together until after the second wedding ceremony in South Korea.
When I was in seminary, and pondering all the great ideas of the world, one point of thought that really stumped me was Agnosticism. One of my uncles convinced me that Agnosticism is an idealism contrary to reality because we have to make choices based on the limited knowledge that we have and to say we don't have to make choices simply because we don't know something can easily become a scapegoat. Now I look at it another way. And perhaps his explanation had this meaning as well, that we have to make choices based on the very fact that we don't know. And even after we make the choice, we have to own up to that choice and the knowledge that we didn't have at the time.
I couldn't possibly resolve either of those questions in this short blog. The way that separation takes place is different depending on one's geographical location as well as one's philosophical and theological convictions. That probably sounds pretty individualistic, doesn't it? I don't want to end there. As of yet, I don't have a good solution to this dilemma, a way to get around rugged individualism without denying the uniqueness of each person or group of people who carry with them a variety of experiences.
On the second question, I wonder if the focal point on "knowledge" is the wrong place to start and if we need to look instead at the choices we have to make. We have to turn right or turn left. We can spend money on ourselves and write it off on our taxes or we can give it to someone else and still write it off on our taxes. We don't give money to the beggar on the street because we don't know how the person is going to use our money. All the while, we are basing are decision on what we don't know rather than on what we do know. And we will probably have to answer to our Maker someday and give an account on why we did what we did without the proper knowledge.
I read on the US Embassy site that the marriage takes place at the District Office. I didn't realize that disregarded any public profession of one's commitment to one's spouse. I thought that Sinae and I would go to the courthouse together and take the next step to getting married. I didn't realize that our marriage would be complete in that one step.
As we walked about of the courthouse, I learned that what I thought was just a signature for something I didn't understand was a signature to commit oneself to one's spouse.
Of course, once it was brought to my attention that I had acted out of oblivion, there was a question of how much accountability I would have. Would it matter how much I knew or didn't know? Obviously I was not looking to get out of the commitment I had made, just to receive a little understanding over my blunder. After all, we still have two ceremonies left, not to mention the wedding night.
In spite of all the debate about how much separation of Church and State there is or ought to be in America, I saw that some countries have more separation than the most liberal politician might dream of. There seems to be a paradox because in the eyes of the law Sinae and I are really married and yet we won't be spending the night together until after the second wedding ceremony in South Korea.
When I was in seminary, and pondering all the great ideas of the world, one point of thought that really stumped me was Agnosticism. One of my uncles convinced me that Agnosticism is an idealism contrary to reality because we have to make choices based on the limited knowledge that we have and to say we don't have to make choices simply because we don't know something can easily become a scapegoat. Now I look at it another way. And perhaps his explanation had this meaning as well, that we have to make choices based on the very fact that we don't know. And even after we make the choice, we have to own up to that choice and the knowledge that we didn't have at the time.
I couldn't possibly resolve either of those questions in this short blog. The way that separation takes place is different depending on one's geographical location as well as one's philosophical and theological convictions. That probably sounds pretty individualistic, doesn't it? I don't want to end there. As of yet, I don't have a good solution to this dilemma, a way to get around rugged individualism without denying the uniqueness of each person or group of people who carry with them a variety of experiences.
On the second question, I wonder if the focal point on "knowledge" is the wrong place to start and if we need to look instead at the choices we have to make. We have to turn right or turn left. We can spend money on ourselves and write it off on our taxes or we can give it to someone else and still write it off on our taxes. We don't give money to the beggar on the street because we don't know how the person is going to use our money. All the while, we are basing are decision on what we don't know rather than on what we do know. And we will probably have to answer to our Maker someday and give an account on why we did what we did without the proper knowledge.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
I Just Don't Have Time
I've been falling into my same old habits of feeling overwhelmed and not knowing where to start. I think I developed a habit in Bible school of laying in bed for eight hours with the intention of getting up after a "nap" late at night but never getting up. The result of that is waking up the next morning and feeling like I have been up all night as well as the feeling of being overwhelmed because I didn't do any work last night.
There seems to be a funny intentionality game here. It seems that whatever I intend to do I don't get everything done that I seem to want to do. So it would seem like I would be better off to simply listen to that voice that knows I can't do everything because that voice usually winds up winning anyway.
How can this effect my habits? When I have this feeling of being overwhelmed I try not to do anything but work. That means no exercise, no studying Korean, no cleaning my apartment and no reading.
So, tonight I'm starting over again. I recognizing again that I am a human being and that I can't do everything. And the most important thing is for me to intentionally get eight hours of sleep or as much as I can get before getting up early enough to drop off some coffee in a colleague's office and get on the train bound for Seoul at 6:30 or 7:00 in the morning. I hope this will be a time of preparing for a class coming up where I will be a student, that I can take some time to thank God for the eventful life I'm experiencing, and also ask God to take me out of the way of whatever things lie ahead of me.
I wonder if anyone else struggles with the same sort of thing.
There seems to be a funny intentionality game here. It seems that whatever I intend to do I don't get everything done that I seem to want to do. So it would seem like I would be better off to simply listen to that voice that knows I can't do everything because that voice usually winds up winning anyway.
How can this effect my habits? When I have this feeling of being overwhelmed I try not to do anything but work. That means no exercise, no studying Korean, no cleaning my apartment and no reading.
So, tonight I'm starting over again. I recognizing again that I am a human being and that I can't do everything. And the most important thing is for me to intentionally get eight hours of sleep or as much as I can get before getting up early enough to drop off some coffee in a colleague's office and get on the train bound for Seoul at 6:30 or 7:00 in the morning. I hope this will be a time of preparing for a class coming up where I will be a student, that I can take some time to thank God for the eventful life I'm experiencing, and also ask God to take me out of the way of whatever things lie ahead of me.
I wonder if anyone else struggles with the same sort of thing.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
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