On the rocks...

Last night a conversation with Sinae went south very fast. My advice to you is never to be online when someone else you are in a significant relationship with is also online without planning to meet first, especially when it is getting late. That is what I did and I am currently seeing how this relationship might be salvagable (And I'm not sure that's a word either). I don't know what to say here that can be said on a blog.

I guess I'll share my thoughts about what is going through my head. We have been in a relationship for almost 9 months. In fact, this Sunday is her birthday AND our 9 month anniversary if it is possible to call it that when dating someone for less than a year. During that time we've had a lot of ups and downs. I've shocked her with a lot of things she's never heard a guy tell her before or perhaps it was new information and she has been really good about working through that information until now.

Until now...we are waiting to see where our relationship will go from here. I'm currently waiting for her text message in response to the shotmail I sent her. Whatever happens, I wouldn't trade the last 9 months (almost) that I have had with her for all the money in the world. She has taught me so much and has instilled good values in me which I hope I will continue for a long time. Some of these are the importance of going to church, even if you don't always get something out of it, read as many books as you can, and don't forget to take some time to yourself. That also means you don't have to tell the other person everything you're thinking. Unfortunately, I may have learned that lesson a day late and a dollar short.

I hope you'll wait, and pray, with us as we try to figure out what the best decision is for us as persons who are very different as well as a couple who may or may not be able to do greater things than we could do by ourselves.

And I hope I haven't violated any kind of confidentiality this morning. Thanks for your prayers.

Community Development

Today was kind of a hard day. Even though Sinae and I spent several hours talking on the phone and had fun while I joked around, the elephant remained in the room, even now. I don't know what to make of all of this. I don't see what the big deal is with wanting to help poor people. Doesn't everybody want to help poor people? What happens when you see someone on the street in need? If you hear of a child growing up in an abusive home do you nearly cry as you pray for God to drop the answer on you or do you passively walk away without giving a single thought to this? What about in Korea where there are reportedly poor people living in the vicinity of the shopping mall where the female employees where gobs of make-up and the men where high-dollar clothing or so it seems. Do you think about the shopping center as a facade of what the neighborhood is really like, perhaps similar to the facade of West Hollywood that hides the hopelessness and despair of East Hollywood?

If I am the only person who wishes he could cry to release the sense of hopelessness that he has in helping someone else get out of a bad situation, please tell me now so that I don't chase everybody away with my wild dream.

How come most people respect those before us who have done so much for the sake of the other? Do we not all admire those martyrs of whatever faith you are who gave their all for what they believed in? How do we forget the blood, sweat and tears that they endured in order to spare someone else's life? How do we live so comfortable without thinking about the unfortunate situations of those around us?

I don't think I'm doing anything as radical as those you might be thinking of this very moment. I may have just made a baby step in that direction by visiting Heanoorim Youth Center in Cheonan, the city where I live. Students who come here apparently come from poor families who can't afford to send their children to academies which are very important in Korean culture. I don't think this is much but I hope it will be a step in the right direction and that I'll step beating myself up for not doing enough and seek ways to help others, even if their deficit is not financial but some other shortcoming. The next thing I want to check into is visiting people in the hospital. There is a licensed minister at the church I attend whom I want to ask about that. He is a medical doctor so I imagine he might be a good lead.

A while from now I will go to bed. I can't meet Sinae because she is going to visit her grandpa. I'm so glad she is going to do this. She hasn't been able to do this for a long time. I don't know if I will ever be able to meet him. He is in his mid or upper 90s and he is in the hospital. He may have been a prisoner who was taken to Japan when they tried to colonize Korea. I don't know if this is exactly right but when he went to another place they beat him at the knees to some degree. He became a Christian because he saw churches helping people they weren't related to. He couldn't believe people would help people they weren't related to. These later years he couldn't do much so he mostly sits, reads the Bible, prays, sleeps and then starts the cycle over again. When Sinae talks to him, she has to practically yell in order for her grandpa to hear her. I would love to meet him and hear his story but he is losing his memory so I may never hear that story. Of all the people in her family I'd like to meet, he is chief among them.

Tomorrow I will finish preparing for classes this week and then I'm going to continue reading "The Two Koreas". If I haven't talked about this book, I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to know more about North and South Korea's long tension. I think this also helps me to understand Koreans, including Sinae.

I think right now I'm going to try to translate Colossians 1:1-8, the passage Sinae's pastor preached on last Sunday. Then I'm going to call it a day and try to resume my habit of rising early in the morning. I think I'd like to memorize Colossians 1:1-8 but that might be very difficult since Paul wrote using such long sentences.

When I went to see my very first Korean teacher today who works at an NGO, who helped me get involved with what I am doing with the youth center, she and her colleagues laughed at me when I said some things the way I did in Korean. I was thinking about it and realized I can't say too much because I KNOW that I do the same with foreigners about the way Koreans talk in English. I hope I can figure out what the things were that I said. I suppose it is comparable to listening to a toddler learning to talk, except that I am not a native Korean speaker.

Feed my lambs...isn't it obvious?

This has been an exciting week, full of jet lag and drama. On Monday, I drove myself crazy waiting for Sinae to respond to my long text message. Somehow it seems to have gotten lost in cyberspace since I apparently didn't receive it. Then on Tuesday, I managed to keep myself busier by going to have lunch with a couple friends who work at NGOs in the same office. I had some problems finding the right place and I get a second chance to look around tomorrow. I thought I was going to stay up late tonight but I think I better just get some sleep and start again tomorrow so I can follow the bus signs.

I was excited on Tuesday because I made arrangements to start teaching underprivileged children English at an NGO everyday Monday through Wednesday and perhaps also to teach NGO staff on Thursday nights. I'm kind of waiting to see if Sinae and I work through things overnight and through the weekend. Our lesson for this week is that I like to have open conversations about different possibilities and she likes to think about things on her own and make a decision on her own.

It seems that we've hit a speed bump regarding my desire to help those who can't help themselves. I guess this is a conviction that I take for granted, figuring that most if not all Christians have that same desire. This seems to be difficult for at least some Korean women to accept. Perhaps it is difficult for women, or perhaps just people in general, of all nationalities. And in my case, this is one of those things that is important for me that the other person at least accept, regardless of whether or not she engages in that kind of work herself. I guess we just have to take time to think this through.

I'm sure there is some stuff missing but I'm so tired that I think I'll go to bed and start again in the morning. Hopefully I can finish everything necessary for preparing for classes this week.

I hope you can follow my rambled thoughts, and if so, please help me.:)

Back in Korea

Greetings from South Korea! I arrived here on Friday local time and came directly to Sinae's hometown where I am still on Sunday evening. I'm planning on going to Cheonan, the city I live in, tomorrow around 10am so I can get settled in at "home" doing business that I need to tend to as well as starting to prepare for classes next semester. I'm still not completely sure of what I am doing but I purchased a lot of books from Cambridge University that will hopefully give me some tools on teaching better classes. The internet has a lot available but sometimes I end up spending more time looking than I actually find and these tools seem to describe what the purpose of the activities are.

I also feel like I have a more realistic goal with students this time. Rather than expecting them to be able to have conversation comparable to native English-speaking university students I am setting a goal of them being able to have conversations that I can have with my nieces Emma and Tammy who are 6 and 4 years old, respectively.

It was hard to leave for the airport on Wednesday night Mountain Daylight Time. There were a few moments when I almost started crying as I remembered what I have seen Mom go through. There are some memories, both good and bad, that I don't think I will ever forget. Did I mention that I started crying as I read the last few pages of "Letters to God" to Mom just before she went home. As I read that book, I recalled times when things seemed really unstable with Mom. I learned later (back to me leaving for South Korea) that Mom cried after I left, when she was alone at home and had to do things herself.

For the most part, I am happy to be back in South Korea, though it is hard for me to be so far away from my mom during this time of recovery. I am hoping to go back in January or whenever she has her second surgery to help out around the house like I did this time. Hopefully her blood clots will be long gone by then and she won't have to go through the whole process of going from the OR to ICU to the surgical unit to TCU.

This whole dilemma about whether I should return to Korea or not is an interesting one. There does seem to be a conflict of interests between taking care of Mom at home and continuing my life in South Korea, where I am involved in a deep, romantic relationship. Both relationships are very important. I did ask Mom if she would like me to stick around for a year and she said she didn't think that would be necessary. Of course it wouldn't seem realistic since my job is in South Korea, which I need to pay off my debts and more importantly, this is where my girlfriend lives. I don't know what the future holds but I think we are both hoping marriage is in the future for both of us. This requires a lot of conversations, growth, thinking and praying on both of our parts, both together and separately.

The whole scenario is interesting because early on in our dating relationship, as we talked about our values and how they differ in both cultures I recall telling her family is not as important to me as my relationships with my friends. My how Mom's health condition change my thinking and my actions. I no longer question whether or not family is important but I still wrestle with how to continue to live my life overseas, continuing to grow and learn about others while also taking care of my family.

For me, there is no question that blood is thicker than water. But I think that we sometimes forget that and when we do we hurt those who are closest to us. To prove the significance of this statement, my relationship with my Uncle Kenneth comes to mind. I hesitate to use his name here but I think with the limited traffic of people who come here as well as the fact that he wants to be known for living up to his convictions is enough reason to name him here. Anyway, it is interesting how much he came to mind as I was going through the process of helping Mom and the family out during this eventful visit home. I'd just like to take a few minutes to reflect on these things. I intend to say nothing negative here, since that probably wouldn't do much to build him up or mend fences with our relationship as it stands now.

I think Kenneth probably had a lot to do with my ease of taking care of Mom. If you know Kenneth at all, you know that he lived with his mom (my paternal grandmother) for a number of years and did things that I didn't understand while sacrificing other things. It is not insignificant to me that Kenneth only married after my grandmother passed away. I don't think there was even a question to him of whether or not he should care for his mom except when her health came to the point where he didn't feel he could do enough for her anymore. I learned a lot of consistency from Kenneth, particularly when I was a child. While I disagreed with him regarding some of his views on the status of women he was quick to make sure that he helped women out, rather than holding one view and then expecting them to do those things his rationale said they weren't equipped to do.

That brings the many mowing lessons I had with Kenneth to mind. Of course there were many other lessons he taught me. But this was a basic one. We had conversations about how my brother Bruce, my dad and I should help my mom mow the lawn more. And I learned how to use a John Deere self-propelled push more from Kenneth. I also dare not forget the many lessons he taught Bruce and I when he, my Great Uncle Glen and Grandma would come to Greeley, the city where I lived. We would go shopping together and Kenneth would usually buy something for Bruce and I that we needed, like a tube for our bicycles or a low-priced word-processing program for the computer his older brother, my Uncle Leland, gave Bruce and I. One of the other memories I have came to mind often during my time there because I saw it every time I parked my Honda in my maternal grandpa's garage during my most recent visit.

I was working on my car, a 1970 Ford Galaxie 500, with Shane, someone I went to church with whom I thought needed some TLC. I was in a hurry to get him home before I had to be at work so I wasn't thinking very clearly (Haste certainly did bring about waste on that day). I put the transmission in reverse and it wouldn't go because the parking brake was on. The parking brake release handle was broken so I using adjustable pliers (aka "Channellock" even though that wasn't really the brand of pliers that I used) without putting my footing on the brake pedal. The idle was set quite high on that car and before I shut my door it seemed that car was flying out of the garage until the door caught the middle pilar of that garage and must have pulled the bottom out a good foot. As strong as that Ford was built, my mistake ended up bending the door, something Bruce was able to fix very quickly, partly because of his own ability and partly because of his training in auto body. The next time Kenneth came to Greeley, he fixed that pillar so that it was in at least as good of shape then as it was before my accident.

As I reflect on those things, I realize how important that time was with Kenneth. He was also very supportive of me when I went to college in Boston and Idaho, even though he didn't agree with the views I had taken on as my own. He even drove all the way from Chappell, Nebraska to Nampa, Idaho (This is about a 12 hour drive from Colorado). This meant a lot to me and is something I won't forget.

During these times, Kenneth communicated to me that I am a valuable person and that my views, as far as how close they are to being right, is not as important as our relationship was. And there is a part of me that understands why things have worked out the way they have, at least for now. It is hard to have a deep relationship with someone when your views seem so different, even though it seems to me we are probably closer than what we think, and I don't think Kenneth is interested and perhaps not even able to have a deep relationship with someone whose views are so different from his. So, instead of harboring ill feelings toward Kenneth, I want to remember these lessons he taught me and practice them in my own life. Of course I hope we are able to mend fences at the right time, but I also want to respect his privacy and his own personal convictions.

This reminds me of another lesson I learned, both through various experiences during my time at home and the insight Sinae offered me. I believe Leland also contributed to the lesson that sometimes we need to take the good with the bad in our family experiences and be grateful for what we have, learn from past mistakes, and treasure the gift of family, something not everyone has, rather than shunning our own families for not being the Platonically perfect (Somewhere out there is the perfect family which I should have been given) family. When I think about it that way, I think I have been very blessed. The funny thing is that where my family has sometimes had weaknesses, God blessed me with friends who filled in those holes as well. And sometimes I find myself identifying family members as friends (One of which reads this blog and posts comments regularly).

Now all of this is easier said than done. So I hope you will remind me of these lessons when you find me complaining about the imperfections in my own life.

This is a long post. Thanks for hanging in there. It's almost 11pm here. I think I'll take a look at my notes from the sermon this morning (I was blessed to be able to follow along a little bit this morning, especially when the pastor talked about "in Christ" in Greek. I'm hoping I can find his sermons online since he preaches in Sinae's hometown which is 2 1/2 hours away from me, and also since I think this might be a good way to study Korean. I figure that if I can understand Korean sermons listening to people speak normal speed Korean might be a breeze), brush my teeth, send Sinae a long text message (It's called "Shotmail" in Korea), and get some sleep before tomorrow morning.

I hope you have a blessed day wherever you are.

Mom's Finally Home

Well, they finally gave Mom the clearance to go home. We regretted her not eating dinner at the hospital. We were waiting for the nurse to give her the orders to go home and the nurse was waiting for Dad to come to the hospital. He was waiting for the hospital to call him to tell him they were ready for the orders. Then he was aggravated because I didn't call him when I got there but I didn't know they were ready for Mom to go home. We found out they were ready because a friend of my mom's went to ask the nurse to give her instructions. Dad thought he would get there in time that the nurse wouldn't have to go over it again. Anyway, we got Mom home and I made her a quasi-satisfactory meal.

Mom slept in my bed, being worried that Dad might accidentally bump her stomach and she slept surprisingly well. I guess we don't have as many noises here as the hospital. I was surprised I slept as well as I did in a room where I can't open the window.

Mom still has a long road ahead of her but it seems that she has started the next chapter of her recovery. She is tired of dragging her wound vac around so she will be glad when she doesn't need that anymore.

I hope all is well with you. I have two more days in America and then I am leaving for South Korea early on Thursday morning.

God's Shalom!

Waiting...Praying...Learning

Today isn't such a good day for Mom, at least not this morning. After they came in to change Mom's sponge, she threw up. Mom thinks they may have put too much pressure on her stomach, which they may not have been able to help. One person also asked another if she cut a stitch. Mom didn't think that sounded like a good thing.

Apparently, we are still waiting for them to figure things out with the wound vac. They have also indicated the possibility that Mom might have stress-induced diabetes type 2. As of yet, they don't have any reliable tests because Mom has been on insulin most of the time she has been here. We are hoping her body begins to regulate her sugar properly as she continues to heal and has less and less stress. I guess that means we have to make sure not to give her stress at home.

I'm a little worried about what's going to happen when Mom goes home and when I go to South Korea. Dad isn't the best at cooking or cleaning. He is usually in the paperwork zone, almost oblivious to the condition of the house. I've taken four cold showers this week because Bruce hasn't been able to (or hasn't received the orders) fix the water heater. Dad told JoAnn we don't need any help cleaning at home but I could use the help. Nevertheless I figured it would be a good lesson for Dad to get what he wants. It's his house so he should be able to have the right to manage it the way he wants.

JoAnn thinks I've taken over Mom's roles, as far as housekeeper and office-watcher. That made me wonder if I'm enabling Dad and should tell him what I think or if it would be better to do what I can do without trying to change Dad's thinking. When this whole ordeal started, I thought it would be a good time for us to all change our routines so that when Mom comes home we would have to mess with delegating responsibility and more importantly, Mom wouldn't be burdened to clean or do the other things. Unfortunately, Dad didn't bite onto that bait so I decided to just do what I can do. Otherwise, we all end up frustrated.

On a side note, Emma had to go to the doctor to have a berry removed from her nose. She and Tammy got this grand idea that it would be fun to push berries up their noses while JoAnn and I were talking. Tammy's came out but Emma's didn't. So they went up Emma's nose with long tweezers and pulled the berry out of her nose. I think this is another opportunity for us to all learn from these circumstances. I think the lesson for me is to watch my nieces closer. And perhaps the lesson for Emma is to realize that she can't do anything she wants to do. But I think I will leave that lesson between her, her sister, her parents and God.

I'm getting a little impatient waiting for them to discharge Mom from the hospital. A week from tomorrow I'm going to be heading back to Korea. I hope Mom will be home for a week before I leave but that may not be happening. Once Mom is home, it will be easier to take care of things at home. My goal for today is to mow the lawn and to start clearing things out of the living room. Then I hope to get everything cleaned before Mom gets home. Now how can I read 300 pages before I go home to South Korea next Thursday?

Going home soon?

Mom is still in the hospital, where she has been since June 15th. She just said, "It is so discouraging." Sometimes she feels good and sometimes she doesn't. She has to take some stool softener every day which seems to help but before that she doesn't feel like eating much.

On the other hand, she seems to be quite strong and getting stronger every day. Yesterday was a good day for her. She was talking and she even expressed her frustration with me. That was the first time we had a really awkward moment because of a difference of opinion. I guess that is a good sign as far as her coming back to her old self.

On the other hand, that was an unfortunate experience and was a reminder of how overprotective my parents were of me and I think I was guilty of the same thing with Mom last night. What was the problem? We're trying to figure out how to best help Mom when she gets home. Of course, if I were going to be home forever we may not have much to worry about, though I'm sure we'd still need to find other people to help out. The big concern is how to find someone to be with Mom when Dad goes out of town for business, which he does on a weekly basis these days. He's not gone every day but he leaves for two or three days every week. We've been thinking that we (That's JoAnn, Bruce and I) will find help for Mom without asking Mom who she'd like to help. She didn't like that idea because there are obviously some people she's more comfortable with than others. Now I know this is a "well duh" situation and am embarrassed that I didn't think about this more. I felt bad last night even though we both said, "I'm sorry" and forgave each other.

Today I went to my family's church. It's an Independent Baptist Church. I was not looking forward to this nearly as much as I was going to the Episcopal Church I attended last week. But I survived the experience. My only major qualm was that it seemed like the pastor "guilted" the people. A secondary qualm was that he was all over the place, which reminded me of my pastor in Korea who goes to so many different passages that it seems utterly impossible for me to understand him preaching in Korean. Because my dad sings in the choir, he noticed I blinked my eyes a lot. I told him it was because I was so tired from listening to the long sermon.

Ironically, the pastor today preached on the same lines as the priest last Sunday: giving. But of course their passages were different (Today's was from Acts and last week was from one of the gospels). Today, the pastor emphasized giving in general, not just financially, though financially was a big part, perhaps in part because they have a building project in line, though they haven't begun any of the actual work. I'm not sure if they've even gotten the plans finalized just yet.

I think there's plenty more I've been thinking about but I guess that's enough for now. They just took Mom's temperature and she seems to have a bit of a fever. She wants to go to bed soon so I'll try to post more soon. Thanks for your prayers and following this blog, especially regarding Mom's health and her road to recovery.

Little by Little

Here is a quick update on Mom before I translate a letter from Sinae that is very important for me to understand. I welcome anyone and everyone in helping me understand Korean. Any takers?:)

On the therapy side, Mom is doing well. They will probably be ready to release her by tomorrow (Friday). On the medical side, things are still unclear. Mom has been feeling nauseous and the wound care specialists (I'm not sure if they are classified as doctors or technicians or another title) said that they thought Mom's bowels weren't working since she hasn't had a bowel movement in a while and she isn't able to eat very much. So they told her to walk a lot and drink a lot of water. That seems to be helping, along with eating more fruit and being more selective of the other food she eats. She didn't didn't throw up today, unlike yesterday, so I think that is a plus.

My grandpa (Mom's dad) is worried that Mom isn't making progress sooner. But I think this is just a long process. I expect there to be a lot of ups and downs and we might as well stay positive because if we're negative that won't do us or Mom any good. I think I might be learning some of this from my relationship with Sinae. I think there is a difference between naive optimism where one is optimistic for the sake of optimism and optimism where one puts one's hope in something or someone. I'm not sure if I have this concept of faith down yet, but I still think it makes sense to trust God that God will work things out one or the other, though that way may not necessarily be the way I think God should do it. What do you think?

Have a nice day and thanks for stopping.:)

Talk is cheap...except when it is about sending Mom home

Mom woke up this morning with nausea like she has been doing for the last few days. For some reason she hasn't felt real well today, along with a few other patients on the floor. On the positive side, one of her physical therapists said that she thought Mom would be going home soon so she started talking to Mom about what Mom might want at home (i.e. a chair in the bathtub etc.). They say it will be a few days but it seems that they are making progress with Mom. The dilemma of how to take care of Mom's wound care seems to be the main issue keeping Mom in the hospital. I don't think there is any rush since Mom isn't feeling real well today and since her eating isn't too strong, yet. Still, things seem to be coming along and I'm looking forward to the day when Mom will be ready to go home. She is looking forward to that day, too. It's always encouraging when people start talking about sending the patient home. The PT put Mom on independent today, which means she's able to get up and go to the bathroom as well as walk on her own.

I've been thinking today about how many different nationalities have been represented through the nursing staff at this hospital. Of course, there have been American citizens of various skin colors as well as people from other countries. So far, Mom has also been served by one nurse from Nigeria, one from Mexico and one from the Philippines. I envied her when she talked about eating white rice for lunch. There is also the hospitalist from Ethiopia.

I worked at the family business this afternoon. Dad wanted me to clean the counter but all I ended up doing was spreading everything on the counter and wiping the dust off. At least I was able to clean all the dust off the fan in the office. Then when Bruce came to ask me for help I was very short with him for some reason. He wanted me to help him move a van that has a mechanical problem and I didn't think about how hard I pulled on the chain when I drove the van and I wasn't sure what he wanted me to do. I acted like I knew what to do and then I got mad at him for not being more specific. Then I wondered why I got mad at him and apologized an hour later.

I've been disconcerted since yesterday when I chatted with Sinae for a few minutes and neither of us were very good at communicating. What I was telling her didn't line up with what I e-mailed her a few days ago and so she thought I was lying to her. Well, she agreed when I said she thought I was lying. But I am still wondering if "lie" means something different to her than the classic definition of intentionally misleading someone. I haven't heard from Sinae so I'm waiting for her to respond to my e-mail. It may that nothing is wrong from her end. It's very difficult to have this kind of issue as far apart as we are from each other. But perhaps there are some things lying underneath the issue that we need to talk about.

I think I better get some phone numbers for my friend Gil-Jun who wants to study at a university in America soon. Let me know if I haven't responded to your e-mail. Thanks for reading this blog, regardless of whether or not you leave a comment.

Losing Things Can Be A Good Thing

I think I wrote yesterday that the PT had Mom walk without a walker yesterday but the nurses kept using a walker with Mom. But today was a new day. They took the walker out of her room and started letting her handle her wound vac (It must way somewhere around ten pounds). I went walking with her tonight without a nurse or CNA so I believe she is making progress. She told Bruce (when I was in the room) that her bleeding had stopped so I think that gives her some relief and she seems to be stronger tonight though she still seems to be extremely tired.

She's telling me I can go home if I want which I think is probably a subtle hint that she wants me to go home. I'll look forward to writing more good news tomorrow.

Blessings!

TCU: Day (I'm not sure how many now)

I think I missed a day or two in keeping this blog up to date. Things feel like they are progressing a little more slowly and there hasn't been too much excitement so perhaps I felt less of a need to update this blog. Thanks to my Uncle Leland for asking me about Mom to remind me to post something here.

It seems that Mom has a problem with bleeding when she is on the blood thinner called Coumadin. A doctor who came in to see Mom today said he thought it may be because of Mom's hemorrhoids which were discovered ten years ago. Her nurse gave her a suppository and she seems to be doing better now though she has been sleeping a lot today.

Mom's progress seems to be coming right along though it seems to be going rather slow. But for being in the hospital for a little over two weeks, she has come a long way. I saw her walk without a walker today and I heard the PT say that she doesn't think Mom needs a walker anymore. Of course the nurses still have her use her walker to go to the bathroom and that sort of thing, probably just for safety.

Sometimes Mom seems discouraged because of how long the process of recovery is and how tired she gets. I came to visit her at 6:30 tonight and after we had some casual conversation she fell into a deep sleep and didn't wake up until Dad came around 8.

The doctor who came to see her today told her he thought she would probably be going home soon but he didn't specify how long "soon" would be. I think I have said before that the people taking care of Mom's incision are going to have a meeting on Tuesday to see about how they should advise Mom to take care of her incision. Because of the wound vac, she has to change the sponge once every three days. They would like her to do that but she is not sure she can handle that. They also need to train her on how to take care of her colostomy bag. So I would imagine it will be a few days left. I think we'd all be satisfied if she could be ready to come home by early next week. Notice I said "ready". We don't want to rush her coming home so that she has to be re-admitted to the hospital.

In response to my dilemma a week ago, I found a way to go to church today while also being with my mom in the morning. I thought that if I could find a church that has a service at 8am I could receive grace while also extending it to my mom. Then I remembered a church that I have driven by many Sundays through the years in my hometown because it is the way to the church I grew up in. Since that church doesn't have an 8am service and other reasons (I like the Anglican tradition which I have experienced in America and Korea and I wanted to receive grace through communion) I decided to go to Trinity Episcopal Church. The Rector talked about how we really cannot call anything "our own", which reminded me what a gift both Mom and Sinae, among other people and things" are to me and that I don't have a "right" to any of the relationships or the people or things that are in my life now. After I received communion I went to one of the prayer ministry teams to ask them to pray for my mom. The Rector also told me to come back if I can make the commute from South Korea to my hometown in America (This was a funny joke at the time).