Touched

I tried assigning students a portfolio this semester for the first time. Rather than having students submit a portfolio for me to sort through later, they had to show it to me during class. I've only done one day of this and the results were surprising. Three students in particular stand out: Suhyeon, Yuncheol and Hyunjoon. Suhyeon first struck me as a student who wasn't all that interested in class. While that made me uncomfortable I kept trying to have conversation with her as well as other students on a one-on-one basis. Little-by-little she seemed to open up. I was surprised to hear her tell me via her "My Section" in her portfolio that she enjoyed the class because I made it fun and that she was sad to see the class end. Yuncheol had a much more dramatic "My Section" in which he explained his background and why he isn't as good as other students at speaking English. He was a student I had serious misunderstandings about during the early part of the semester. That all changed when he told me about his personal life, including preparation for his wedding. At that point I realized I totally misunderstood him. But after hearing him talk during his portfolio time I realized how devastating it must be when I get upset with students. I've tried over and over not to get upset but I fail every semester. Hyunjoon's discussion was less dramatic but his point was similar. Apparently I got frustrated with him especially during quizzes when he wasn't able to produce the target language. I seriously think I overlooked this student because he isn't as dynamic as other students. He said during his portfolio time that he also felt frustrated with himself. I remembered that I was just like him when I was a student but my professors didn't get mad at me. I wasn't sure how the portfolio thing would work out but I really like it because it gives students a chance to express themselves in ways they couldn't during the semester. I really hope these three students will become instruments to remind me of the devastating effects anger from a foreigner can have on Korean students. I've been thinking a lot about God's voice lately. I didn't hear God's voice audibly but I most certainly heard God saying to me, "See what happens when you get angry with students?" I also heard God saying, "See what an opportunity you have?" I've been thinking a lot about conversation ever since I took a Continuing Education class on evangelism where the focus was on building relationships with people in such a way that I earn the right for people to listen to me. I've been struggling with the realization that I myself am not very good at building relationships which makes it very ironic that I am teaching conversation classes. I hear God saying, "Instead of wishing you could be somewhere else or do something else make the most of the opportunity to learn how to have conversations with students."