What matters most

This is the first time I have blogged on here something that is not directly related to my experience in South Korea. It is still relevant, but it is a little bit different because it is not just about facts and figures of my experience which I have e-mailed to everyone in my address book.

I've recently been jolted by the experience of a colleague who lost his father recently. My colleague is probably around my age, and his father died unexpectedly. For some reason, I am always gripped by death, even if I didn't know the person who died. I am often left wondering what it might be like to be the family members or close friends of the one who died. Regarding my colleague, I wonder what it would be like to lose a father at such a young age. This grips me most when I think about my own father.

My father and I have not gotten along perfectly, especially during the last ten years or so. As I was growing up, we seemed like two peas in a pod. But when I started to make some choices he didn't approve of, like going to college and seminary, things became tense. Sometimes, it was all we could do to talk to each other. I am grateful now that we have moved beyond some of that.

Recently, I have exchanged words with my father's youngest brother, who questions whether he should have anything to do with me since he perceives me to be an unbeliever because I don't believe in the inerrancy of Scripture. Even though I affirm my faith in Christ for the forgiveness of my sins and reconciliation with God and my neighbor, that is not enough for my uncle. For him, I am no different than someone who rejects the Christian faith because I believe there are some mistakes in the Holy Bible, but that it is still reliable in matters pertaining to salvation.

When I think about the loss of a father, it makes me wonder what really matters. Is it worth breaking fellowship with a relative who believes a little (or "a lot" as it seems to be in my uncle's mind) differently than oneself? Should I be teaching English as a way to pay off bills or is there something more that I could be doing? I go back and forth on this because I experience some fulfillment from doing this, yet there is the constant question of whether I could be doing something more. After reading the blog of a colleague discussing his grieving process, I even wonder if it is appropriate to live so far away from the only parents I have.