Waiting is SO much fun!

Well, here I am with my family in the waiting room. My mom is being prep'd for an hour surgery with a six-hour waiting time. The anesthesiologist told her that there is a risk in doing surgery with a blood clot so we did some crying hopefully in faith that Mom will make it through. An hour can't be aaaall that bad, can it? I believe, I believe, I believe...

As I am experiencing this moment, my greatest guilt is taking Mom for granted. Mom is not the most dynamic person in the world but she has a heart of gold that leads her into a virtuous life. I remember many times when she helped me with homework until the wee hours of the morning. Of course there were the times when she got mad at me for waiting too long to do my homework.

Then there is the peacemaker side of her. Sometimes she doesn't say much when she disagrees with someone, which makes family members a little confused at times but everybody knows the reason is that she doesn't want to get into an argument with someone. The funny thing is that my girlfriend Sinae thinks this is a good thing. Of course there is a time for disagreeing which Mom does in her own way. Anyway, the point is that Mom is a peacemaker and that IS her greatest virtue.

It saddens me that Mom is kicking herself for not taking care of herself as far as a proper diet is concerned. I think it is very difficult to eat a high-fiber diet in America. And the problem is that it could have just flared up. And if she was at fault, it would seem that the doctors are equally at fault for sending her home two times from the emergency and a physician who turned her away numerous times. Or perhaps there is some truth to the other side of my thinking, that maybe there was nothing they could've done differently. I'm having a hard time believing that right now.

I didn't realize how risky the surgery was until now. There will be a second surgery 6 months after this one, so they can connect her colon again. And there is also the possibility that Mom could be better, the same or worse after surgery. But if she doesn't have the surgery, she will eventually lose to the infection.

It's funny how one's thinking changes in moments like these. I found myself submitting to a smorgasboard of theologies: Free Church, High Church, Protestant, Catholic, Lutheran. Dad liked my prayer except at the end when I went all liturgical and Trinitarian. I guess that was too "Lutheran" for him. That's okay.

I'm feeling better after writing a little bit, except when I think about what is really at stake here. And that scares me to death. Nonetheless, I choose to believe. I was hoping the doctor would come while I was writing this but I guess I don't have that many thoughts. Thanks for suffering through this long blog. I'll post the results as soon as the doctor comes and tells us something. Meanwhile, please eat right and don't let the doctor send you home sick. And above all else, treasure ALL the relationships you have and don't take those closest to you for granted. Thanks for all you are doing for my family and I.

God's Everlasting Shalom!