Reading Report #2

I bought "His Needs, Her Needs" in my hometown in 2011. I think it was after my wife and I had our wedding ceremony (not a full-fledged wedding, which would be done in South Korea) and we decided to go shopping. That was the beginning of a toiling confrontation with my animosity towards shopping. I had developed the habit of walking in and out of stores in as little time as possible. I still think I could do all my grocery shopping in fifteen minutes (That's in Korea. I bet I could shave five minutes off in America), although I haven't done that since I got married. Anyway, my wife, Sinae, wanted to look around a little bit and I could tell I was starting to boil just because I didn't want to shop for nick-nacks. As we were shopping, we passed by the books at a local Target and I saw this book. I had apparently heard a lot about it even though I didn't get married until I was in my mid-thirties so I figured our struggle with shopping had something to do with the fact that our needs were different. I'm not going to go into great detail because I don't want to spoil the book. I think this is fundamental for any married couple. Some of the stuff seemed to be culturally-specific so Sinae and I couldn't apply everything (like where the writer talks about even talking about relationships from the past, which I've been told is a no-no in Korea) there were some key points. 1. The differences between women and men and the way the writer focuses on women for one chapter and then men the next and does the same throughout the book was a good way for me to really comprehend the material. There were definitely things that seemed to apply to my situation. 2. The financial discussion was impeccable. I wish I had read this chapter before I got married. The part about if a woman works it is for living more luxuriously and not for the bare minimum was eye-opening to me. By the way, I don't think that the writer is being unreasonable when he states that a family can live off of one income. 3. The chapter on designating house chores is brilliant. Sinae says that's "American style" and that you can't designate chores but the way I see it, we have done that more or less. I cook very simple things (Trying to find a way to overcome this but for now I'm just trying to come to terms with the fact that my wife is more skilled in that area than I am) and my wife tends to do most of the cooking. I typically do the dishes, although Sinae is often gracious and does the dishes. Sinae does the surface cleaning and if I get enthused I do the deep cleaning. Because the washing machine where we live is in the basement, which is the equivalent of a dungeon to Sinae, I was automatically elected to that duty. 4. I was also reading this book when I heard of married folk cheating on their spouses and I really appreciated the authors emphasis on the hope of restoring the relationship. In a world (not just one society) that seems to make it easier and easier to get a divorce the first time something bad happens, I really appreciated not only the author's encouragement but practical steps for restoring the relationship.