It's Okay!

 

Photo by Noel Bauza via Pixabay.

I had the most novel dream recently. I went to my wife's hometown in Chuncheon-City, Gangwon Province in South Korea. I wanted to take pictures of the mountainous area but I didn't get the chance because it rained all weekend. Well, in my dream I got quite the pictures.

The photo above doesn't do justice. I was hiking in snow-covered mountains, going crazy with pictures. I even had a fancy camera (I believe you avid photographers call it a DSLR camera). When lo and behold,  there my deceased Uncle Leland appeared. Naturally, I took a picture of him and then we talked.

Mostly we talked about how everything went south with his intellectual property. To understand this situation, you need to understand the heavy heart I've been carrying. This uncle told me when I lived in the US that he wanted me to be the executor of his estate and apparently he told several other people about it, too. But once I moved out of the US, that was no longer practical. I asked him several years ago about his estate and he said he had made provisions. Well anyway, through all of that drama that happened with his intellectual property (i.e Facebook page, Tumbler account, self-published books on Amazon) either being deleted or books no longer allowed to be published through no choice or action of my own, I carry a heavy heart daily, wishing "if only." 

How nice that I got to express this to him, even if it was in a dream, and tell him how sorry I am that I didn't protect his things better. I told him I was sorry and how bad I felt and he said, "That's okay." 

One would think that would've made me feel better but it didn't. I tried to compromise with those who are in authority on those matters and I lost them, too. And so now it seems a huge loss.

And I carry it with me. No, I wouldn't call it a cross. That's a whole different matter altogether. Needless to say, the dream didn't really settle me. It was more upsetting in some ways that I couldn't really talk to my beloved uncle who was now gone. But I fretted over things more and there are still thoughts in the back of my mind about taking action for justice, but then I think, "What would I gain?" What has been done is done. It's probably best to leave dead dogs lying, as the saying goes.

And so, I go forward, remembering the lessons I learned from Uncle Leland, grateful for the dreams where I get to meet him, grateful for the resources that he left behind that I get access to, that I can read about those parts of him that I didn't know very well. And, as embarrassing as it is to admit, there were lots of things I didn't know about him.

May he rest in peace and "may the Lord of peace himself give [me] peace at all times in all ways. The Lord be with all of [us]. 2 Thessalonians 3:16 NRSV