Today has been a long, but enjoyable and even a productive day. It started with an English service, a Korean service, lunch, translating the first sentence of the Lord’s prayer from Korean into English (still trying to figure out what to do with the difference in Korean grammar, like where it says that God’s hallowed name is received), hiking, dinner at home, watching a Korean movie, cleaning my apartment, and filling out my district license renewal application.
The first thing on my list of things to do was to participate in the English service at one of the churches I am involved in. I had more responsibility today because I preached and I did the things I usually do (confession, reading the scripture, leading the congregation in confessing the Apostles’ Creed and giving the benediction. One person told me she feels inspired when she listens to my sermons. Another person told me I spoke slower today than usual which is a good thing I think. After this I waited for two students who have been missing the class the last few weeks because of schedule conflicts or tests.
At 11:00 I went to the Korean service at the same church. I was going to do something to keep myself occupied and then I decided to write down as many words as I could make out during the sermon. I came up with 150 or more and was told they were mostly right (nobody told me exactly how many were wrong). I found this to be much less frustrating than simply listening to a sermon where it seems that most of what is being said doesn’t make sense to me.
Then I ate lunch with two guys I know and get along with rather well. We didn’t talk real long because the people responsible for cleaning the room where we ate asked us to leave so that they could clean the tables. This doesn’t quite seem hospitable to me but it is common at this church for people to do that sort of thing.
After that, I went to the other church where I am involved. The Korean name means “Grace” when translated into English. I think this is much more of a “grace place” than the church I went to this morning. I don’t know how intelligible my thoughts were about the first sentence of the Lord’s prayer were. This was complicated by a word or series of words in Korean that mean to receive. It seems questionable whether the person praying or God is receiving.
After this class, I played around with some children at church, one of which goes to the class I taught. When we left, his mom asked if I am busy (in Korean). I wasn’t quite sure what she said and I ended up being invited to hike with them at a mountain nearby. The truth was that I needed to grade some mid-terms but I wasn’t sure I would get anything done at home. I most certainly didn’t want to spend hours at home getting nothing done so I decided to say yes.
This was an interesting time since only two people could speak a little English and the other two could only speak Korean. I made the youngest person laugh when I called the children “grandma” or “grandpa” in Korean. After we came down from the mountain, the mother who invited me bought ice creamish snacks for all of us. When we got to my apartment (officestel) building I said goodbye and made some dinner.
I watched a Korean movie while I ate rice, tofu and kimchi. This was another interesting movie that started with a proverb about making branches move with one’s spirit and mind. I tried to listen to what people were saying in Korean but since the subtitles were in English I paid more attention to the story line than learning the Korean words that were being used.
After the movie was over I decided it was time to clean my apartment. I tend to let it get a little dirty before I clean it. Then when I realize that the clutter is distracting me from doing my work, I do a thorough cleaning. I’m guessing this happens once a month. I think the last time I did this was when my ex-girlfriend came over here and I basically ruined the relationship. Several hours later, I was done with the apartment and now I have the satisfaction of setting my mind to do something and actually doing it without spending several hours convincing myself that I can really do it. I was interrupted by this exciting activity by the same woman who bought ice cream for all of us after hiking when she brought me kimchi. This was another kind gesture on her part.
When I came back, I sent a text message to one of the people leading the English service asking her if she was okay. She called me and we talked about the service. I was aggravated by the fact that the senior pastor wants to continue the English service without helping us find people to lead it in a way that is better. One person suggested that we include the sermon in Korean in the bulletin. I think that if we do that we might as well have the service be in Korean. It is frustrating to me that people seem to think we should be to blame when they can’t understand it. I don’t notice anybody trying to make a Korean service simpler just because I am there. But I guess that is to be expected since I am the guest.
An hour after that I finished cleaning my apartment and then I decided to check my e-mail and found information about applying for the renewal of my district license. Even though it was quite late by then, I decided to finish the application tonight so that I can focus on reading tomorrow. I have a ton of work to do to catch up on the research I’m behind on. So now it is 1:35am and I think I am ready to get some shuteye.
The highlight of today was definitely going hiking with the people from “Grace Church” and then reading the text message from one person who asked me if I needed kimchi (in Korean of course) and later brought it to me. This is in spite of the fact that she can’t speak much English. It seems like the mothers of these children are really trying to look out for me. This makes it very difficult for me to complain about Christians being hypocrites. These people seem to be interested in practicing what they preach. If I could do anything I think I would back off of the church where we are trying to have an English service and just go to Grace Church. But it is difficult because I wouldn’t be able to do anything in a church service if I didn’t participate in this service, at least not in a Korean church. But I think we need to do some major planning if we decide to continue, and it seems that none of us have time to really plan for it.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
A Bizarre Day
Today was a bizarre kind of day. It started out good. I woke up about eight or nine hours after I went to sleep. Unfortunately I didn’t sleep very well. I felt like I was on top of the mountain when I woke up. Then I got distracted by calling a friend in America. The conversation was very worthwhile but I got my mind off of what I was doing. After I finished talking with him I chatted for several hours with another friend. Again, this conversation was worthwhile but it didn’t help me in getting my work done.
I was dreading writing a sermon because of my chronic perfectionistic tendencies. This was heightened by the difficulty of writing a sermon that is usually difficult for people to understand. So I read through some commentaries and then decided to take a nap. I had to drag myself out of bed at 6 to write the sermon. I wondered if I was writing it in vain since the copy center closed. At 7:30 or so I headed to the university campus to see if they were still open and sure enough they were closed.
On my way to the university I ran into one of my colleagues and his wife. He suggested to me that I print off my sermon at a PC bang (aka a computer/internet cafe). He also invited me to stop by their apartment to get some books I asked about before. Since the copy center was closed I went to Kimbap Nara for some dinner. I’m trying to branch out to other restaurants when I am alone but I chose this restaurant since I’m familiar with it and I was relatively close to it. When I ordered the waitress asked me something I didn’t understand. I understood 괜찮아요? (okay) so I said “yes”. It all seemed to work out okay since the meal was good.
After that, I went to the PC bang to print off my sermon. I had some difficulties printing it off at the computer so the guy at the desk let me print it off from his computer. As I was paying for it, he asked me where I live. I told him and he said that he would like to become friends with a foreigner. Alarms went off inside of me while at the same time I was excited about the fact that someone might want to be friends with me. So I said I am looking for a Korean friend and that I am not interested in teaching English. He seemed to be okay with that. We will see. One of my uncles, the paternal uncle who still talks to me, told me once that if I am out and about I might find a friend where I least expected to find one.
After that I went to my colleague’s apartment and his wife offered me ice cream. I think I got there around 8:30 and I left at 10:30. This was an interesting conversation in many ways.
I spent most of the day in my apartment and I didn’t get very much done. I was hoping to grade mid-terms and add more words to my Korean vocabulary list but I didn’t get either of those things done. The highlight of the day was definitely hanging out tonight with a colleague and his wife. It’s amazing how being with people changes my attitude towards myself.
I was dreading writing a sermon because of my chronic perfectionistic tendencies. This was heightened by the difficulty of writing a sermon that is usually difficult for people to understand. So I read through some commentaries and then decided to take a nap. I had to drag myself out of bed at 6 to write the sermon. I wondered if I was writing it in vain since the copy center closed. At 7:30 or so I headed to the university campus to see if they were still open and sure enough they were closed.
On my way to the university I ran into one of my colleagues and his wife. He suggested to me that I print off my sermon at a PC bang (aka a computer/internet cafe). He also invited me to stop by their apartment to get some books I asked about before. Since the copy center was closed I went to Kimbap Nara for some dinner. I’m trying to branch out to other restaurants when I am alone but I chose this restaurant since I’m familiar with it and I was relatively close to it. When I ordered the waitress asked me something I didn’t understand. I understood 괜찮아요? (okay) so I said “yes”. It all seemed to work out okay since the meal was good.
After that, I went to the PC bang to print off my sermon. I had some difficulties printing it off at the computer so the guy at the desk let me print it off from his computer. As I was paying for it, he asked me where I live. I told him and he said that he would like to become friends with a foreigner. Alarms went off inside of me while at the same time I was excited about the fact that someone might want to be friends with me. So I said I am looking for a Korean friend and that I am not interested in teaching English. He seemed to be okay with that. We will see. One of my uncles, the paternal uncle who still talks to me, told me once that if I am out and about I might find a friend where I least expected to find one.
After that I went to my colleague’s apartment and his wife offered me ice cream. I think I got there around 8:30 and I left at 10:30. This was an interesting conversation in many ways.
I spent most of the day in my apartment and I didn’t get very much done. I was hoping to grade mid-terms and add more words to my Korean vocabulary list but I didn’t get either of those things done. The highlight of the day was definitely hanging out tonight with a colleague and his wife. It’s amazing how being with people changes my attitude towards myself.
Friday, May 1, 2009
An Interesting Day
Happy May Day! I didn’t realize it but today is International Labor Day. I just want to know why I didn’t have today off. Maybe it has something to do with Children’s Day which is coming up on Tuesday.
This was a less eventful day today than yesterday. All I did today was teach a class, eat lunch with two students and a professor, meet with a counselor and then I met with another professor whom I had dinner with. The class didn’t go as well as I had hoped. A few of the students told me they would like to have more opportunity to speak so I tried to give them more opportunity to speak. This meant they just spoke in Korean more. I’m not sure what to do about this situation.
I was going to have lunch with a professor whom I usually meet with on Fridays but I never received a response from him regarding my e-mail. It turned out that his response was in his drafts folder so I never received it and I thought he was busy. I was going to have lunch alone and I ran into a few students I know so we had lunch together. We tried to speak in Korean but we ended up speaking in English after all.
After lunch I went back to my office to work on things for a while before my appointment at 2pm. I wasn’t very productive during that time because I was nervous about meeting a counselor at 2pm. This was supposed to be a diagnosis of my recent emotional state. I was beginning to think I might have clinical depression but she didn’t even see the point of me meeting with a psychiatrist. She did advise me to seek counseling if this were a more ideal setting where she knew someone who wasn’t busy, didn’t charge as much money and who could speak English very well. I thought her English was good but she seemed to think it wouldn’t be good enough. In any event, after talking for an hour-and-a-half, she basically told me that she doesn’t perceive me having any major problems and that I need to develop some friendships or else I will get worse. So I guess this is a refresher course from earlier times in my life when I was “depressed” as a result of being lonely.
Meeting with another professor went well, though I found this to be very exhausting. Even though his English is good we still have difficulties communicating with each other. This makes me think it will be just as frustrating to communicate with people in Korean if I ever get anywhere near close to being able to communicate in Korean. Sometimes it seems that we are just not on the same page.
After I came home, I decided I needed to start running. So before I turned the computer on I changed my clothes and I went running. I must confess that I didn’t run the whole time but I ran part of the time as I explored this part of the city where I live. I tried to find a coffee shop where I might be able to work tomorrow but I forgot that I have some commentaries to read so I guess I will stay here until I get that done. Hopefully I will be able to go to a restaurant around here for lunch. I think at the very least I need to stop staying in my apartment all day. It is sometimes difficult choosing a restaurant to eat at alone because some places only sell food that is too much for one person to eat. Eating in a restaurant makes me feel good because ordering in Korean gives me confidence about communicating with the waiter or waitress. It also makes me feel good just to be around people. Part of me wonders if my difficulties are related to a personality change because it seems that I am becoming more and more energized as I am around people. I think I better be reading somewhere else for my research project on Monday so I can actually get something done.
That was a long tangent. After I got home from running, I tried to start working on my sermon for Sunday. I was not at all enthused about preaching earlier today. I’m still uneasy about it because it seems like most people don’t understand what I am saying. I do a lot of reading for it and I wonder if this is in vain to some degree. What often happens is that I use too many big words and too long of sentences. I am not sure that reading the sermon is helpful either.
I thought that running would give me more energy but instead it seems to have made me more tired. Perhaps this is a good thing because I’ve been having more trouble sleeping. The only thing I haven’t done yet is add more Korean words to my vocabulary list. I might just let myself have one night off so I can get some shuteye.
This was a less eventful day today than yesterday. All I did today was teach a class, eat lunch with two students and a professor, meet with a counselor and then I met with another professor whom I had dinner with. The class didn’t go as well as I had hoped. A few of the students told me they would like to have more opportunity to speak so I tried to give them more opportunity to speak. This meant they just spoke in Korean more. I’m not sure what to do about this situation.
I was going to have lunch with a professor whom I usually meet with on Fridays but I never received a response from him regarding my e-mail. It turned out that his response was in his drafts folder so I never received it and I thought he was busy. I was going to have lunch alone and I ran into a few students I know so we had lunch together. We tried to speak in Korean but we ended up speaking in English after all.
After lunch I went back to my office to work on things for a while before my appointment at 2pm. I wasn’t very productive during that time because I was nervous about meeting a counselor at 2pm. This was supposed to be a diagnosis of my recent emotional state. I was beginning to think I might have clinical depression but she didn’t even see the point of me meeting with a psychiatrist. She did advise me to seek counseling if this were a more ideal setting where she knew someone who wasn’t busy, didn’t charge as much money and who could speak English very well. I thought her English was good but she seemed to think it wouldn’t be good enough. In any event, after talking for an hour-and-a-half, she basically told me that she doesn’t perceive me having any major problems and that I need to develop some friendships or else I will get worse. So I guess this is a refresher course from earlier times in my life when I was “depressed” as a result of being lonely.
Meeting with another professor went well, though I found this to be very exhausting. Even though his English is good we still have difficulties communicating with each other. This makes me think it will be just as frustrating to communicate with people in Korean if I ever get anywhere near close to being able to communicate in Korean. Sometimes it seems that we are just not on the same page.
After I came home, I decided I needed to start running. So before I turned the computer on I changed my clothes and I went running. I must confess that I didn’t run the whole time but I ran part of the time as I explored this part of the city where I live. I tried to find a coffee shop where I might be able to work tomorrow but I forgot that I have some commentaries to read so I guess I will stay here until I get that done. Hopefully I will be able to go to a restaurant around here for lunch. I think at the very least I need to stop staying in my apartment all day. It is sometimes difficult choosing a restaurant to eat at alone because some places only sell food that is too much for one person to eat. Eating in a restaurant makes me feel good because ordering in Korean gives me confidence about communicating with the waiter or waitress. It also makes me feel good just to be around people. Part of me wonders if my difficulties are related to a personality change because it seems that I am becoming more and more energized as I am around people. I think I better be reading somewhere else for my research project on Monday so I can actually get something done.
That was a long tangent. After I got home from running, I tried to start working on my sermon for Sunday. I was not at all enthused about preaching earlier today. I’m still uneasy about it because it seems like most people don’t understand what I am saying. I do a lot of reading for it and I wonder if this is in vain to some degree. What often happens is that I use too many big words and too long of sentences. I am not sure that reading the sermon is helpful either.
I thought that running would give me more energy but instead it seems to have made me more tired. Perhaps this is a good thing because I’ve been having more trouble sleeping. The only thing I haven’t done yet is add more Korean words to my vocabulary list. I might just let myself have one night off so I can get some shuteye.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
An Ordinary Day
I don’t have much to share today. It seemed to be a normal day of ups and downs. As has been the case recently, the ups were when I was with people and the downs were when I was alone. The highlights of today were giving a mid-term to a Hotel English class, free-talking with a student about the Lord’s prayer and having dinner with the students I meet with a few times a week early in the morning. The down times were when I felt exhausted or perhaps a little depressed. It reminded me of when I have grieved the loss of someone. When I was with people I sometimes would forget about the loss, but then when I was alone I remembered what had happened and my heart sank back into sadness.
I had more time to myself today because my free-talkers canceled or didn’t show up. This can be frustrating or disappointing but in my case this was a nice break which enabled me to get everything done for my class tomorrow so that all I have to do is go to class or drop off my stuff in my office if I get to work early enough. This is probably the first time I am completely ready for the class with the powerpoint presentation already posted on the website. The downside is that I didn’t get to eat 떡복이 (dokboki) with a student who said she’d bring some this week.
I was also surprised by a colleague who came to my office to invite me to lunch. I guess some foreign professors were going to McDonald’s. Even though I’ve been here for a year and am in a bazaar emotional state, going to McDonald’s didn’t sound too appealing so we went to a spaghetti place instead. This gave us a chance to talk about some things before our classes at 1pm. I tried to pay for his meal but he insisted on going dutch (of course I didn’t push him too hard).
I think the mid-term was more enjoyable for everyone than the previous classes because students got to participate in the class more and they were basically leaders of the class. One class in particular did a great job of keeping us entertained while also showing their understanding of the hotel environment.
After class I talked with a few foreign professors for a while about some of the things going on that were related to school and our plans for the summer vacation. Eventually I went back to my office to work on class prep. for tomorrow. I forgot about my 4:00 free-talking appointment because the other students canceled. This wasn’t a big deal because I was working in my office. There are some students who take my energy and some who give it. She is the latter type of student. We have a running joke about “Bible study” and she told me she studied the Lord’s Prayer in English. I’ve been thinking about learning that prayer in Korean so we spent our free-talking time translating it from Korean to English. One would think this would be the same as in English but it seemed to me to be quite different though she said it was the same. For example, rather than saying “your will be done on earth as it is in heaven” it says, “your will has been done in heaven, may it also be done on earth” or something like that. It seemed to me to explicate the things that the English version implies. This was very refreshing to me.
After she left, I went back to working on some things for the next class which I finished while I was waiting for students to come at 6pm. I really was worn out by the time they came to my office and they knew it. I also tried a different method of free-talking which seemed to be much more difficult. I think all of us were frustrated at points but I guess it was good practice for all of us.
After that I met some other students in the lobby of another building so we could have dinner together. We ended up going to the fast food version of a Korean restaurant which I believe is still healthier than McDonald’s or Burger King. They wanted to go there because it is much cheaper than other types of restaurants. This was a good time but I don’t know that it was all that effective as a “free-talking” session. Nonetheless I keep learning more about students every day.
After that I came home. Of course we stopped for ice cream on the way back and I got a coffee-flavored ice cream something or other (as Mrs. Carl used to say). I intended to go running tonight but I figured that I should work a while until I get tired. By the time I thought of running it was already 10pm and I wondered if that would be productive and if I would be more exhausted tomorrow. Since I have an important meeting tomorrow I decided to call it a day and go to bed.
So now it is at the end of the day and all I have left to do is to brush my teeth, do a little meditating (I’m not sure how to manage this one), and get some shuteye. I think tomorrow could be an interesting day. I’m just not sure how much to share.
I had more time to myself today because my free-talkers canceled or didn’t show up. This can be frustrating or disappointing but in my case this was a nice break which enabled me to get everything done for my class tomorrow so that all I have to do is go to class or drop off my stuff in my office if I get to work early enough. This is probably the first time I am completely ready for the class with the powerpoint presentation already posted on the website. The downside is that I didn’t get to eat 떡복이 (dokboki) with a student who said she’d bring some this week.
I was also surprised by a colleague who came to my office to invite me to lunch. I guess some foreign professors were going to McDonald’s. Even though I’ve been here for a year and am in a bazaar emotional state, going to McDonald’s didn’t sound too appealing so we went to a spaghetti place instead. This gave us a chance to talk about some things before our classes at 1pm. I tried to pay for his meal but he insisted on going dutch (of course I didn’t push him too hard).
I think the mid-term was more enjoyable for everyone than the previous classes because students got to participate in the class more and they were basically leaders of the class. One class in particular did a great job of keeping us entertained while also showing their understanding of the hotel environment.
After class I talked with a few foreign professors for a while about some of the things going on that were related to school and our plans for the summer vacation. Eventually I went back to my office to work on class prep. for tomorrow. I forgot about my 4:00 free-talking appointment because the other students canceled. This wasn’t a big deal because I was working in my office. There are some students who take my energy and some who give it. She is the latter type of student. We have a running joke about “Bible study” and she told me she studied the Lord’s Prayer in English. I’ve been thinking about learning that prayer in Korean so we spent our free-talking time translating it from Korean to English. One would think this would be the same as in English but it seemed to me to be quite different though she said it was the same. For example, rather than saying “your will be done on earth as it is in heaven” it says, “your will has been done in heaven, may it also be done on earth” or something like that. It seemed to me to explicate the things that the English version implies. This was very refreshing to me.
After she left, I went back to working on some things for the next class which I finished while I was waiting for students to come at 6pm. I really was worn out by the time they came to my office and they knew it. I also tried a different method of free-talking which seemed to be much more difficult. I think all of us were frustrated at points but I guess it was good practice for all of us.
After that I met some other students in the lobby of another building so we could have dinner together. We ended up going to the fast food version of a Korean restaurant which I believe is still healthier than McDonald’s or Burger King. They wanted to go there because it is much cheaper than other types of restaurants. This was a good time but I don’t know that it was all that effective as a “free-talking” session. Nonetheless I keep learning more about students every day.
After that I came home. Of course we stopped for ice cream on the way back and I got a coffee-flavored ice cream something or other (as Mrs. Carl used to say). I intended to go running tonight but I figured that I should work a while until I get tired. By the time I thought of running it was already 10pm and I wondered if that would be productive and if I would be more exhausted tomorrow. Since I have an important meeting tomorrow I decided to call it a day and go to bed.
So now it is at the end of the day and all I have left to do is to brush my teeth, do a little meditating (I’m not sure how to manage this one), and get some shuteye. I think tomorrow could be an interesting day. I’m just not sure how much to share.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
A Fulfilling End to a Draining Day
Today was a long day. I guess I said that yesterday. But today was filled with responsibilities with no play time in between. I started my day at 7am and got home a little before 9pm. After that I drank some water and started working on an evaluation sheet for a test I am giving tomorrow. Evaluating the class I had on Tuesday was very difficult so I made a rubric of sorts tonight. After that I added some Korean vocabulary words. I’m not sure if it is completely helpful but I don’t think it is helping me to fly through the textbook without learning these words. Now that I think about it, I should probably separate the nouns from the verbs and try to write sentences using those words. This is a long process but I think a lack of Korean ability is contributing to my feelings of inadequacy. I said contributing, not that it is the main reason or cause of these feelings.
Today was a fairly routine day of free-talking after meeting with my early morning Bible study crew. The topic of today was Jesus casting the demon out of the man in the cemetary in Mark’s gospel. This led to a brief discussion of whether demons really exist. I tapped into my experience in an urban church in Kansas City where we sang, “Victory is Mine.” This song makes no explicit reference to God but it does refer to Satan. I suggested to those who question the existence of demons that we think of demons as those things that lead us to believe things that are not true, such as thinking we have to get drunk one more time or get one more fix on the street or being lured away from studying by chatting online or playing video games or whatever. This is an interesting experience because most of the people in the group seem to be Christians to some extent while two people are not Christians. I try to be affirming of those who trust Christ as their savior while also trying to be sensitive to those who are not Christians.
The victory came for me today when I went to lunch with a colleague. I thought this was a routine “go to lunch with a collegue” day. I realized differently when he knocked on the window of the building where we met and a mother and her daughter came inside the building. I realized then that it was an attempt to have me help her or her daughter with her English. Knowing what was ahead, even though I didn’t have any warning about this beforehand, I decided before anybody asked me that I would say no because my plate is already fuller than it needs to be. I think this surprised my colleague since I have developed the reputation on campus of always saying yes when people ask me for favors. I tried to gently explain that I am already doing to much and that my plate is full (without the idiom I hope). This didn’t seem to make much sense so he kept pushing. Finally I expressed my frustration over feeling like a commodity whose obligation it is to help people learn English. My ultimate bluntness came when I said that many people want me to help them but not too many people were interested in helping me when I had food poisoning or when my emotions are out of sort. I guess I looked like a bum who had lost his enthusiasm since I was enthusiastic when I came. Interestingly enough, he mentioned something to her about Vietnam which I said nothing about. I have expressed interest to him in moving to Vietnam and I suspected that he told her about this as if I had lost my love for Korea in hopes of moving to Vietnam.
I felt good about this in a way and bad about this in another way. I have met many people by helping them with their English. This has also given me opportunity to practice Korean since people sometimes struggle to listen or speak in English. But sometimes this is a realization that what seems like a friendship is only that on the surface and that the “friendship” only succeeds as long as I do people favors. I hope that is not true in this case but I guess time will tell.
After lunch I was exhausted. I don’t know if it was the emotional drain of saying no and wondering if I did the right thing or if it was a lack of sleep or just the exhaustion of my emotional disposition. After some free-talking students left, I had no energy to do anything. But then I was revived when a colleague knocked on my door to offer me coffee and a quote about letting people know they are not alone. After this, I had energy to do the things I was needing to do and my disposition changed. I was finally able to overcome my emotions and get ready for doing other things.
I wasn’t sure if the students I usually go to dinner with were going to come so I started to contemplate going to a restaurant alone which would also give me practice speaking in Korean. I’m glad I waited though since they came after all. They were not late, it just seemed to me that they were because my free-talking students before them left early to prepare for a major test tonight.
Having dinner with the students was a bit strange due to a combination of issues. We went a little ways from the campus where a student suggested. But when we got there they said it was too expensive. So we went to another restaurant that was about the same price. I told them I didn’t have time to keep walking around to the different restaurants since I had another class to teach after dinner. One of the students who is in one of my classes expressed interest, through one of the other students, in having me help him with his grammar. His English communication skills are quite low and I have not seen him put forth much effort in the class. In the end I said we’d see if he shows up whenever we decide is a good time to meet. One of the frustrating things that happened shortly after we got to the second restaurant was when two of the three guys said they needed to go to the toilet. The truth was that they “needed” to smoke. I didn’t realize this until they came back to the table and I could smell the cigarette smoke. This frustrated me because the other student and I had been waiting for them to order. In the end, I was ten minutes late to the class at city hall as a result of this situation.
Oddly enough, the most rewarding part of the day came at the end of the day. This is one of those things that I said yes to that does wear me out in a certain way but is rather fulfilling. The people who go to that class are more motivated than university students and their English level is high enough that we can have intelligent conversation. This gives me the ability to ask a lot of interesting questions. Tonight we talked about driving and who we’d be the most comfortable riding with. It ended up being a philosophical conversation to some extent and the people seemed to respond well to it though sometimes it was difficult for them to respond to my questions. Even though I am a difficult person to put up with in general because of the difficult questions, I feel like I can be myself in that type of setting. Of course I worry that I am not doing good enough or that I am giving those with the highest English level the most opportunities to speak. I’ve been trying to go around and ask different people questions.
After that I came home without a depressed feeling, finished writing up an evaluation sheet, added some Korean words to a spreadsheet I started over winter vacation and after I post this, I will be ready to brush my teeth and go to bed after a few moments of reflection. This is difficult for me since I am not good at sitting still and doing nothing more than being quiet.
But I can’t forget the highlight of my day. That was talking to my Korean cousin about a traditional dress she would like me to buy for her and take it to her in the US. You all know I am not much of a clothing shopper so this should be an interesting experience.
Today was a fairly routine day of free-talking after meeting with my early morning Bible study crew. The topic of today was Jesus casting the demon out of the man in the cemetary in Mark’s gospel. This led to a brief discussion of whether demons really exist. I tapped into my experience in an urban church in Kansas City where we sang, “Victory is Mine.” This song makes no explicit reference to God but it does refer to Satan. I suggested to those who question the existence of demons that we think of demons as those things that lead us to believe things that are not true, such as thinking we have to get drunk one more time or get one more fix on the street or being lured away from studying by chatting online or playing video games or whatever. This is an interesting experience because most of the people in the group seem to be Christians to some extent while two people are not Christians. I try to be affirming of those who trust Christ as their savior while also trying to be sensitive to those who are not Christians.
The victory came for me today when I went to lunch with a colleague. I thought this was a routine “go to lunch with a collegue” day. I realized differently when he knocked on the window of the building where we met and a mother and her daughter came inside the building. I realized then that it was an attempt to have me help her or her daughter with her English. Knowing what was ahead, even though I didn’t have any warning about this beforehand, I decided before anybody asked me that I would say no because my plate is already fuller than it needs to be. I think this surprised my colleague since I have developed the reputation on campus of always saying yes when people ask me for favors. I tried to gently explain that I am already doing to much and that my plate is full (without the idiom I hope). This didn’t seem to make much sense so he kept pushing. Finally I expressed my frustration over feeling like a commodity whose obligation it is to help people learn English. My ultimate bluntness came when I said that many people want me to help them but not too many people were interested in helping me when I had food poisoning or when my emotions are out of sort. I guess I looked like a bum who had lost his enthusiasm since I was enthusiastic when I came. Interestingly enough, he mentioned something to her about Vietnam which I said nothing about. I have expressed interest to him in moving to Vietnam and I suspected that he told her about this as if I had lost my love for Korea in hopes of moving to Vietnam.
I felt good about this in a way and bad about this in another way. I have met many people by helping them with their English. This has also given me opportunity to practice Korean since people sometimes struggle to listen or speak in English. But sometimes this is a realization that what seems like a friendship is only that on the surface and that the “friendship” only succeeds as long as I do people favors. I hope that is not true in this case but I guess time will tell.
After lunch I was exhausted. I don’t know if it was the emotional drain of saying no and wondering if I did the right thing or if it was a lack of sleep or just the exhaustion of my emotional disposition. After some free-talking students left, I had no energy to do anything. But then I was revived when a colleague knocked on my door to offer me coffee and a quote about letting people know they are not alone. After this, I had energy to do the things I was needing to do and my disposition changed. I was finally able to overcome my emotions and get ready for doing other things.
I wasn’t sure if the students I usually go to dinner with were going to come so I started to contemplate going to a restaurant alone which would also give me practice speaking in Korean. I’m glad I waited though since they came after all. They were not late, it just seemed to me that they were because my free-talking students before them left early to prepare for a major test tonight.
Having dinner with the students was a bit strange due to a combination of issues. We went a little ways from the campus where a student suggested. But when we got there they said it was too expensive. So we went to another restaurant that was about the same price. I told them I didn’t have time to keep walking around to the different restaurants since I had another class to teach after dinner. One of the students who is in one of my classes expressed interest, through one of the other students, in having me help him with his grammar. His English communication skills are quite low and I have not seen him put forth much effort in the class. In the end I said we’d see if he shows up whenever we decide is a good time to meet. One of the frustrating things that happened shortly after we got to the second restaurant was when two of the three guys said they needed to go to the toilet. The truth was that they “needed” to smoke. I didn’t realize this until they came back to the table and I could smell the cigarette smoke. This frustrated me because the other student and I had been waiting for them to order. In the end, I was ten minutes late to the class at city hall as a result of this situation.
Oddly enough, the most rewarding part of the day came at the end of the day. This is one of those things that I said yes to that does wear me out in a certain way but is rather fulfilling. The people who go to that class are more motivated than university students and their English level is high enough that we can have intelligent conversation. This gives me the ability to ask a lot of interesting questions. Tonight we talked about driving and who we’d be the most comfortable riding with. It ended up being a philosophical conversation to some extent and the people seemed to respond well to it though sometimes it was difficult for them to respond to my questions. Even though I am a difficult person to put up with in general because of the difficult questions, I feel like I can be myself in that type of setting. Of course I worry that I am not doing good enough or that I am giving those with the highest English level the most opportunities to speak. I’ve been trying to go around and ask different people questions.
After that I came home without a depressed feeling, finished writing up an evaluation sheet, added some Korean words to a spreadsheet I started over winter vacation and after I post this, I will be ready to brush my teeth and go to bed after a few moments of reflection. This is difficult for me since I am not good at sitting still and doing nothing more than being quiet.
But I can’t forget the highlight of my day. That was talking to my Korean cousin about a traditional dress she would like me to buy for her and take it to her in the US. You all know I am not much of a clothing shopper so this should be an interesting experience.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
A Good Day in Hindsight
Today has been a long day. This is typical of most Tuesdays. It started with an early morning “Bible study” at 7am, then a faculty/staff chapel at 8am, followed by a Mid-Term exam in my 9:00 class. The mid-term did not go as well as planned because of the language barrier and some students not doing as well as I had anticipated. I take this to be due to the language barrier and perhaps a lack of studying on their parts. It is the language barrier that makes it difficult to know how to grade the students in a way that is fair to everyone involved.
I had a important lunch meeting with a friend to talk about the way I have been feeling. This was helpful to me just to talk about some of the issues and get some advice on how to work through these issues to attain some degree of sanity though it didn’t deliver me from this present age.
After that I met with a student to proofread something she wrote for me to correct. Unfortunately, I didn’t get all the way through it so I will have to finish it sometime tomorrow or the next day. I won’t be meeting with her until next Thursday so that gives me some time to do some work in this regard. I was not all that alert by this time which probably slowed me down some.
After that I went to a church to teach a free-talking class. On my way there, I had to drop off a trip request form in my department’s office to be approved by the Department Chair. Since nobody in that office can speak in Korean I got to practice some Korean using a sentence I haven’t used before. Then the person I was speaking to asked me another question which I didn’t know the answer to because I didn’t understand her question. Eventually she figured it out or else she just gave up asking. A Korean professor who can speak well was going to call the office to make sure they understood what to do. At the church, we played a version of baseball where I ask a question and they respond. I don’t do it like some people play the game but it served the purpose of getting the students to speak in English and it seemed that everybody was having fun, those who wanted to study and those who wanted to play games.
After that, I went home for a while as I waited for time to pass. I made plans to meet my Korean teacher to study a little bit of Korean. We ended up talking a lot about other things as usual and some of that time was occupied with talking to another student whom she also teaches. This time had some good points and some bad points. The good points were of course the times of relaxing and the difficult points were the points of studying Korean and being reminded how bad I am at speaking Korean.
After the coffee shop closed, we went to the grocery store to get a few items I needed. This was our original plan to go to the store to give me practice speaking to people in Korean. But I didn’t do much more speaking than usual, though it was helpful to learn the different types of tofu and talk more about Korean culture.
I became more depressed as I talked with my Korean teacher about my struggles. If I let myself, I can get really bogged down. But when I think of the people I interacted with, the students, the staff members, my teacher and the people at the grocery store tonight, I think this has been a good day. Now I think I will get some shuteye before my alarms go off at 5:15.
I had a important lunch meeting with a friend to talk about the way I have been feeling. This was helpful to me just to talk about some of the issues and get some advice on how to work through these issues to attain some degree of sanity though it didn’t deliver me from this present age.
After that I met with a student to proofread something she wrote for me to correct. Unfortunately, I didn’t get all the way through it so I will have to finish it sometime tomorrow or the next day. I won’t be meeting with her until next Thursday so that gives me some time to do some work in this regard. I was not all that alert by this time which probably slowed me down some.
After that I went to a church to teach a free-talking class. On my way there, I had to drop off a trip request form in my department’s office to be approved by the Department Chair. Since nobody in that office can speak in Korean I got to practice some Korean using a sentence I haven’t used before. Then the person I was speaking to asked me another question which I didn’t know the answer to because I didn’t understand her question. Eventually she figured it out or else she just gave up asking. A Korean professor who can speak well was going to call the office to make sure they understood what to do. At the church, we played a version of baseball where I ask a question and they respond. I don’t do it like some people play the game but it served the purpose of getting the students to speak in English and it seemed that everybody was having fun, those who wanted to study and those who wanted to play games.
After that, I went home for a while as I waited for time to pass. I made plans to meet my Korean teacher to study a little bit of Korean. We ended up talking a lot about other things as usual and some of that time was occupied with talking to another student whom she also teaches. This time had some good points and some bad points. The good points were of course the times of relaxing and the difficult points were the points of studying Korean and being reminded how bad I am at speaking Korean.
After the coffee shop closed, we went to the grocery store to get a few items I needed. This was our original plan to go to the store to give me practice speaking to people in Korean. But I didn’t do much more speaking than usual, though it was helpful to learn the different types of tofu and talk more about Korean culture.
I became more depressed as I talked with my Korean teacher about my struggles. If I let myself, I can get really bogged down. But when I think of the people I interacted with, the students, the staff members, my teacher and the people at the grocery store tonight, I think this has been a good day. Now I think I will get some shuteye before my alarms go off at 5:15.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Alone, depressed; With People, Happy
Today was one of those days that started out difficult but ended well. Because of the way I have been feeling, I didn’t wake up with much motivation. I called a friend whom I try to talk with on a weekly basis after I called my parents and they weren’t home. So I went on with my plans to study about Korean culture to prepare for the presentation I will most likely be making in September. While I got some things done I didn’t get as much done as I anticipated. I also was not able to meet with the family I usually have dinner with on Monday evenings before I teach a class at city hall.
Today we had a special meeting to discuss changes with the way the university deals with foreign professors. There was a lot of disconcertion regarding this, especially for those who have been placed in departments where the professors can’t speak fluently in English. According to these changes, the foreign professors are no longer under the wings of a Korean professor who tends to our questions and concerns. This seems to be part of a bigger plan to have all of the classes in English. For this to happen, the professors will have to improve their English skills and the students will also have to improve. This seems like a marketing strategy to make the university more appealing. But it doesn’t seem to take into account the English level of the students. Even for the best English speakers, it would be difficult for Korean students to take all there classes in English. Not even all the prestigious universities in Seoul do this.
After this meeting, I went to have dinner at a restaurant. Since I had to teach a class at city hall I wasn’t all that interested in going back home. So I went to Kimbap Nara (김밥 나라). Kimbap is basically rice, vegetables and meat wrapped in seaweed. I didn’t have this, but instead I had curry which was good. I went by myself so I had to order it myself in Korean, of course. It always makes me feel good when I do this rather than hiding behind a Korean who usually orders for me when I go with a Korean. This type of restaurant is also very reasonable. It probably cost me about 1.5 USD for a whole meal. It’s probably not the most healthy Korean meal but it is better than McDonald’s by a long shot in my opinion.
By this time, I was feeling much better than I felt most of the day. This is the mystery of my emotional disposition. When I am alone I feel depressed but when I am with people I feel much better about myself. It makes me wonder if I am hiding out in my apartment. I also wonder if my own feelings keep me from doing everything I could do. When I talked to my dad about this he suggested that I not let my feelings rule me. I took this to mean he was saying that I should ignore my feelings. I didn’t like this advice because I feel like that is what I have done for much of my life.
But when I thought about what changed in my own mind from the morning and afternoon time to the evening time, it did seem to me that I did “ignore” my feelings in some sense. If I didn’t, I would probably never have done anything today because I didn’t feel like I was adequate for the task. So I sucked it up and did what I had to do. That totally changed my disposition and I also had an enjoyable time with the staff I taught at city hall tonight. We talked about a lot of things from one university student referring to another student as one’s senior to making a list for one of the people who wants to get married in the future. This led to an interesting discussion about whether it is necessary for a man to have a car in order for a woman to fall in love with him.
After that one of the staff people took me home and my day was officially over. Well, not quite over since I had some things I wanted to work on. I decided to do the dishes, something I have been putting off for longer than I can say publicly. This made me feel better. Then I also studied Korean and learned how to link sentences together to make one longer sentence. By the way, my Korean journal is up to 273 sentences. Now if I could just remember everything that I wrote. So now I guess it is about time to get some shuteye for a while. I have to start my day at 7am with an early-morning Bible study. So tomorrow will be a long day with that, a faculty/staff chapel in 100% English even though there are people who won’t be able to understand the whole thing (I’d be mad if I were a Korean), a mid-term, lunch with a pastor, free-talking, teaching a class at a church and hopefully meeting my Korean teacher at the store to practice some things with Korean and to buy some groceries. I think I’m going to buy enough for breakfast but also try to eat out more and see if that changes my disposition. I just have to figure out how to manage that in terms of my budget.
Today we had a special meeting to discuss changes with the way the university deals with foreign professors. There was a lot of disconcertion regarding this, especially for those who have been placed in departments where the professors can’t speak fluently in English. According to these changes, the foreign professors are no longer under the wings of a Korean professor who tends to our questions and concerns. This seems to be part of a bigger plan to have all of the classes in English. For this to happen, the professors will have to improve their English skills and the students will also have to improve. This seems like a marketing strategy to make the university more appealing. But it doesn’t seem to take into account the English level of the students. Even for the best English speakers, it would be difficult for Korean students to take all there classes in English. Not even all the prestigious universities in Seoul do this.
After this meeting, I went to have dinner at a restaurant. Since I had to teach a class at city hall I wasn’t all that interested in going back home. So I went to Kimbap Nara (김밥 나라). Kimbap is basically rice, vegetables and meat wrapped in seaweed. I didn’t have this, but instead I had curry which was good. I went by myself so I had to order it myself in Korean, of course. It always makes me feel good when I do this rather than hiding behind a Korean who usually orders for me when I go with a Korean. This type of restaurant is also very reasonable. It probably cost me about 1.5 USD for a whole meal. It’s probably not the most healthy Korean meal but it is better than McDonald’s by a long shot in my opinion.
By this time, I was feeling much better than I felt most of the day. This is the mystery of my emotional disposition. When I am alone I feel depressed but when I am with people I feel much better about myself. It makes me wonder if I am hiding out in my apartment. I also wonder if my own feelings keep me from doing everything I could do. When I talked to my dad about this he suggested that I not let my feelings rule me. I took this to mean he was saying that I should ignore my feelings. I didn’t like this advice because I feel like that is what I have done for much of my life.
But when I thought about what changed in my own mind from the morning and afternoon time to the evening time, it did seem to me that I did “ignore” my feelings in some sense. If I didn’t, I would probably never have done anything today because I didn’t feel like I was adequate for the task. So I sucked it up and did what I had to do. That totally changed my disposition and I also had an enjoyable time with the staff I taught at city hall tonight. We talked about a lot of things from one university student referring to another student as one’s senior to making a list for one of the people who wants to get married in the future. This led to an interesting discussion about whether it is necessary for a man to have a car in order for a woman to fall in love with him.
After that one of the staff people took me home and my day was officially over. Well, not quite over since I had some things I wanted to work on. I decided to do the dishes, something I have been putting off for longer than I can say publicly. This made me feel better. Then I also studied Korean and learned how to link sentences together to make one longer sentence. By the way, my Korean journal is up to 273 sentences. Now if I could just remember everything that I wrote. So now I guess it is about time to get some shuteye for a while. I have to start my day at 7am with an early-morning Bible study. So tomorrow will be a long day with that, a faculty/staff chapel in 100% English even though there are people who won’t be able to understand the whole thing (I’d be mad if I were a Korean), a mid-term, lunch with a pastor, free-talking, teaching a class at a church and hopefully meeting my Korean teacher at the store to practice some things with Korean and to buy some groceries. I think I’m going to buy enough for breakfast but also try to eat out more and see if that changes my disposition. I just have to figure out how to manage that in terms of my budget.
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