Today was the exact opposite of yesterday. I left my apartment around 8:40 this morning and came back around 3pm while I waited for a friend (I’m not sure if Aristotle would classify us as this or not) to finish her church duties. I was going to take a nap but I decided to type out the text messages I’ve sent and received in Korean. This was about 100 messages. When I came back tonight after coffee and dinner I translated them and sent them off to my Korean teacher. I’m sure she will love me for this.
My day started with the English service at the university church. My role in this was rather minimal today because I was only responsible for greeting people coming to the service, leading the congregation in confession, reading the Scripture passages (except for the sermon text) and leading the congregation in affirming our faith by reading the Apostles’ Creed. Okay, maybe my role was more than minimal. What I mean is that I did not preach. But that will change next week as I will be preaching. After the service I talked to a Korean professor and with the other ministers of the service about the future of the service.
I am concerned about a service in English in a Korean church that has more foreigners leading it than Koreans. Since there are few foreigners who go to this service, and since it is in a Korean church, it seems to me that there should be more Koreans leading the service than foreigners. I guess today it was half and half. But still, it seems to me the ideal would be for there to be more Koreans leading it than foreigners.
I’m really not sure whether to continue my involvement in this service. It seems that I experience God’s grace in some sense through this service, especially when I feel like the sermon is just for me as it seemed to be today. The vision of the service seems to be unclear so it is difficult to manage the success of the service when I am not sure how to manage that. It seems that different people come to the service but there is little consistency except that the service is attended by few people. Some people have found it difficult to understand what is going on in the service. I’m sure some of this is due to my complex sentence structure but I’m not sure about the rest of the service. It could be that this service is structured differently than a typical Korean Nazarene service. I am wondering if having a service completely in English is too much. When I went to the Anglican Cathedral on Easter Sunday the service was partly in Korean and partly in English. I suggested that we might want to try that if we continue to do the service.
After a lengthy discussion about the service and the church in general, I had lunch with a few people I know at the same church. I talked with them some about the English service but I didn’t learn much from them except that the service is difficult to understand.
After lunch I went to Grace Church (은혜교회) to teach English to some children and their mothers. This was quite challenging when I tried to talk about the names of the 12 disciples in English. I learned that I don’t know much when it comes to the details of these names. It was difficult trying to figure out the differences between the English and Korean translations. Then it also got confusing when I tried to explain these differences and when the people in the class tried to explain them to me. This was difficult and frustrating because I can’t speak Korean fluently and they can’t speak English fluently. The name that is the most unique is James. One of the students suggested that the Korean translation is wrong. When I asked why the Korean translation must be wrong and not the English translation, they said that when the Bible was translated into Korean there were people involved who were not Christians. I challenged this when I noticed that a fairly recent translation of the Korean Bible (New Korean Revised Version) which was copyrighted in 1998 for the first time used the same name for James. I argued to the contrary because I heard that one of the theologians at KNU participated in this translation. Of course it is entirely possible that I am the one that is wrong. I was surprised that one of the students was so quick to assume that it is the Korean Bible that is wrong.
After that class was over, I went back to my apartment while I waited for a friend to finish her church duties. She ended up taking longer than she expected so I just kept working on Korean. We met at 4pm and had coffee followed by kalguksu (갈국수). This was a fun for both of us I think though it was a little difficult with the language barrier. She tried to get me to try speaking in Korean and I failed miserably.
After I came back to my apartment, I felt that same empty feeling that I’ve been feeling the last few days. I persevered in spite of it through the Korean sentences and am feeling mildly better. Now to figure out what the source is of these feelings. For now, I think I’ll post this and call it a day. I need to get up early tomorrow to call my parents and a friend in America.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Poor Time Management
Today was another unproductive Saturday. Well, in the end it was productive but I sure could’ve done a lot more things today than I ended up doing. I stayed in my apartment all day today. I intended to spend four hours preparing for my class on Tuesday and another four hours preparing for my class on Thursday and another few hours preparing for my class on Friday. But as it turned out, I found other things to do that seemed more appealing. And now I have two of the three things done. I need to figure out what to do on days like today. It seems that I don’t have much drive to prepare for classes. I have heard it said that insanity is when you do the same thing and get the same results over and over again. I think I messed up that quote but you get the idea, right?
About the only thing I did today to intentionally relax was watching a Korean movie. This was quite meaningful. It is called, “Jung Cheon” (중천) which means The Mid-Heaven. This might be the first Korean action movie I have seen. I was able to pick up a few words but not most of it so thank goodness for English subtitles. I won’t tell you how it ends in case you want to watch it. It’s a good movie for those of us who can’t understand Korean because there is less speaking than the romance movies I have seen. I have two more movies to watch and then I will have seen every movie once. Then it is time to start over again. I’m hoping to learn Korean little by little as I watch these. I recommend these to people who need something to help them work through the drama of life (well they help me anyway).
I’m embarassed that I haven’t studied Korean today or yesterday. As you can see, I tend to waste a lot of time procrastinating which contributes to my feeling of not being fulfilled. This has been a decent day, but a day filled with recovering from regret.
About the only thing I did today to intentionally relax was watching a Korean movie. This was quite meaningful. It is called, “Jung Cheon” (중천) which means The Mid-Heaven. This might be the first Korean action movie I have seen. I was able to pick up a few words but not most of it so thank goodness for English subtitles. I won’t tell you how it ends in case you want to watch it. It’s a good movie for those of us who can’t understand Korean because there is less speaking than the romance movies I have seen. I have two more movies to watch and then I will have seen every movie once. Then it is time to start over again. I’m hoping to learn Korean little by little as I watch these. I recommend these to people who need something to help them work through the drama of life (well they help me anyway).
I’m embarassed that I haven’t studied Korean today or yesterday. As you can see, I tend to waste a lot of time procrastinating which contributes to my feeling of not being fulfilled. This has been a decent day, but a day filled with recovering from regret.
Friday, April 24, 2009
I Have a Choice
This has been another good day. Not quite as good as yesterday, but still a good day. It started with making another call to the bank in America, then giving some oral mid-terms, then having a long lunch with a colleague while we ate kalby tong (갈비 탕), then working on some stuff in my office followed by meeting with a colleague tonight.
By the time I got back to my office after lunch and calculated the grades for the tests I gave this morning, I was worn out. I’m not exactly sure why. For the last hour before meeting with my colleague I read something another professor invited me to peruse.
When I met with my colleague this evening, we talked about many things. The first hour was consumed mostly by the subject of how to speak English. He has been a Godsend for me in terms of figuring out how to manage the class and figure out how to teach English the most effectively. I’m still learning and am feeling much better about teaching than I did at the beginning of the semester. I lost my cool a few times but have learned through the process thanks to some colleagues whose know-how far exceeds mine.
As we left his office, I gave him the details of my recent break-up. This was helpful and hurtful in terms of working through the process. I am mostly over the broken relationship though there is still sadness and regret for the things I did wrong. There is also a recognition that many things did not make sense and they still don’t make sense. But it is still more natural for me to blame myself for these things rather than her.
We even spent some time talking about ministers, titles (a key issue of the subject in the above paragraph), and a little bit of theology. Now I did my best to keep it simple but anybody who knows me at all knows I don’t do well at keeping things simple. That’s why I carry around my electronic dictionary with me as much as possible. It is just so difficult to speak simple, short sentences. This is something I’ve struggled with since I arrived here though I think I might be slightly better at it than I was a year ago. I remember hearing complaints about how complicated my e-mail messages were. That was when I learned to write in shorter sentences and to hit the return key each time I used a period and to doublespace between sentences.
The thing that kind of surprised me tonight is when my colleague told me he liked me. I didn’t ask many questions because I don’t want to let the secret out. I was hoping he would go into more detail but I guess we got distracted and started talking about something else. Here again was someone who didn’t really have to say this. I didn’t ask him of his opinion about me but it was something he freely offered. I guess I have a choice. I can spend my life wondering why I am not a better person or I can accept myself with all the flaws and recognize there something good within me. Of course I want to do the latter but this is not so easy for me.
By the time I got back to my office after lunch and calculated the grades for the tests I gave this morning, I was worn out. I’m not exactly sure why. For the last hour before meeting with my colleague I read something another professor invited me to peruse.
When I met with my colleague this evening, we talked about many things. The first hour was consumed mostly by the subject of how to speak English. He has been a Godsend for me in terms of figuring out how to manage the class and figure out how to teach English the most effectively. I’m still learning and am feeling much better about teaching than I did at the beginning of the semester. I lost my cool a few times but have learned through the process thanks to some colleagues whose know-how far exceeds mine.
As we left his office, I gave him the details of my recent break-up. This was helpful and hurtful in terms of working through the process. I am mostly over the broken relationship though there is still sadness and regret for the things I did wrong. There is also a recognition that many things did not make sense and they still don’t make sense. But it is still more natural for me to blame myself for these things rather than her.
We even spent some time talking about ministers, titles (a key issue of the subject in the above paragraph), and a little bit of theology. Now I did my best to keep it simple but anybody who knows me at all knows I don’t do well at keeping things simple. That’s why I carry around my electronic dictionary with me as much as possible. It is just so difficult to speak simple, short sentences. This is something I’ve struggled with since I arrived here though I think I might be slightly better at it than I was a year ago. I remember hearing complaints about how complicated my e-mail messages were. That was when I learned to write in shorter sentences and to hit the return key each time I used a period and to doublespace between sentences.
The thing that kind of surprised me tonight is when my colleague told me he liked me. I didn’t ask many questions because I don’t want to let the secret out. I was hoping he would go into more detail but I guess we got distracted and started talking about something else. Here again was someone who didn’t really have to say this. I didn’t ask him of his opinion about me but it was something he freely offered. I guess I have a choice. I can spend my life wondering why I am not a better person or I can accept myself with all the flaws and recognize there something good within me. Of course I want to do the latter but this is not so easy for me.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
A Good Day...For Real
I really don’t think it is necessary to blog today. I’ve had a really good day. But I guess I will continue the habit just in case this is the last good day I have in a while. Then it can go down in the record books that Brent Dirks (aka 도영웅) had at least one good day. And the truth be known, I have probably had many good days.
I’m not exactly sure what made today so good. I’m not complaining or anything it just seemed to be a normal day and for some strange reason I am feeling good even after I ate kimbap that was probably a little old. Hopefully this day won’t end with food poisoning.
It started with a trip to the bank to transfer funds. This can be a depressing experience with the exchange rate but since the Bank Manager assures me he’s giving me a better rate than the standard one, I’ll receive his goodness with gratitude. After that I consulted with colleagues about Korean culture, starting with a question about 나는 하고 내가, and led into a discussion about church. I had to cut that short so that I could find the person who brought me kimbap, a beverage, and two oranges. Then it was back to my office to write out a letter to the bank that recently closed. Now that is an interesting thing to try to inform an organization about your current address when there is a check with your name but nobody can pick it up because their name isn’t on the account. Note to self: if you start up an account before leaving the country, put a family member’s name on the account. After I finished that and attached questions for the Mid-Terms coming up tomorrow and next week I went to the copy (not 거피) shop to make some copies but the form I printed had too much gray background so they wouldn’t make the copies. That’s okay because I ended up saving paper this way. And I faxed the letter to the bank for the third time. Hopefully this time it went to the right place.
That was just for the morning activities. The highlight of the day was having lunch with a Korean colleague. We walked around for quite a while and we finally settled on kalguksu (갈국수) even though we both had bibimbap (비빔밥). My colleague wanted rice like a good Korean and that is what she got. I didn’t care what we ate. Since I had a class at 1pm both of us were under a little stress to eat, talk and get back to campus on time. But it worked out just fine.
I was a little nervous about class because this was supposed to be a review day. The students often lack motivation and I knew this would be no different during Mid-Terms week, a time when few students get sleep. I think they are hoping that the professor will give them extra points for every hour they don’t sleep. Of course they used some of the time in my class to sleep. But it was during this time that I negotiated the final. I started with 45 questions and ended up with 15 questions by the end of class. This mostly changed the fact that the students know what they are expected to present and raised the bar on my expectation that they be ready to knock the socks off their “professor” so to speak. They seemed to be happy with my compromise (each group is responsible to present five roleplays, for a total of 15 roleplays, which should take two or three hours) and I feel good about not getting upset with the students when they lacked the motivation to work with their groups and I think I treated them with respect by reasoning with them about the Mid-Term. I guess time will tell whether or not this is true.
After that was the second highlight of my day when I accepted an invitation from one of the students in that class to join him for coffee. He invited another student who also free-talks with me from that class to join us. I remembered another student who also free-talks with me and I invited her to join us there as well (thank goodness for cell phones and text-messaging). She brought a friend and we talked for a few hours. Another free-talking student also came during that time.
An awkward moment came at the end of the conversation when one student invited another student to his house for dinner. He asked me what my evening plans were and I wasn’t sure if he was inviting me or not. I asked him after embracing the awkwardness for a moment and he said he would do that another time. I made it clear to him that I wasn’t trying to invite myself but I was just trying to make some clarification. Hopefully he won’t feel obligated to invite me in the future.
After that I packed my belongings and came home to enjoy the food that a lady from church gave me earlier that day. Now I have come to the end of the day and am having an online conversation with one of my Vietnamese friends. What better way to end the day?
I think there are some good reasons why I feel the way I do. Of course this is one day, and it could just be the luck of the draw, but I suspect the lack of pressure also has something to do with it. Because this is Mid-Terms week most of my free-talking has been canceled. This subject is a puzzle to me as to how to manage free-talking with students without getting overwhelmed. Also, I am not responsible for the early-morning Bible study this week because of it being Mid-Terms week.
So I guess another thing, perhaps the most important thing, I’d like to do with my free-time is to develop relationships with people. I have also been able to continue the practice of studying Korean and doing a little bit with classroom work to prepare for tomorrow. Now I think I need to figure out a way to add exercise to my routine. I have done less chatting online tonight which I think has given me a chance to do other things.
I’m not exactly sure what made today so good. I’m not complaining or anything it just seemed to be a normal day and for some strange reason I am feeling good even after I ate kimbap that was probably a little old. Hopefully this day won’t end with food poisoning.
It started with a trip to the bank to transfer funds. This can be a depressing experience with the exchange rate but since the Bank Manager assures me he’s giving me a better rate than the standard one, I’ll receive his goodness with gratitude. After that I consulted with colleagues about Korean culture, starting with a question about 나는 하고 내가, and led into a discussion about church. I had to cut that short so that I could find the person who brought me kimbap, a beverage, and two oranges. Then it was back to my office to write out a letter to the bank that recently closed. Now that is an interesting thing to try to inform an organization about your current address when there is a check with your name but nobody can pick it up because their name isn’t on the account. Note to self: if you start up an account before leaving the country, put a family member’s name on the account. After I finished that and attached questions for the Mid-Terms coming up tomorrow and next week I went to the copy (not 거피) shop to make some copies but the form I printed had too much gray background so they wouldn’t make the copies. That’s okay because I ended up saving paper this way. And I faxed the letter to the bank for the third time. Hopefully this time it went to the right place.
That was just for the morning activities. The highlight of the day was having lunch with a Korean colleague. We walked around for quite a while and we finally settled on kalguksu (갈국수) even though we both had bibimbap (비빔밥). My colleague wanted rice like a good Korean and that is what she got. I didn’t care what we ate. Since I had a class at 1pm both of us were under a little stress to eat, talk and get back to campus on time. But it worked out just fine.
I was a little nervous about class because this was supposed to be a review day. The students often lack motivation and I knew this would be no different during Mid-Terms week, a time when few students get sleep. I think they are hoping that the professor will give them extra points for every hour they don’t sleep. Of course they used some of the time in my class to sleep. But it was during this time that I negotiated the final. I started with 45 questions and ended up with 15 questions by the end of class. This mostly changed the fact that the students know what they are expected to present and raised the bar on my expectation that they be ready to knock the socks off their “professor” so to speak. They seemed to be happy with my compromise (each group is responsible to present five roleplays, for a total of 15 roleplays, which should take two or three hours) and I feel good about not getting upset with the students when they lacked the motivation to work with their groups and I think I treated them with respect by reasoning with them about the Mid-Term. I guess time will tell whether or not this is true.
After that was the second highlight of my day when I accepted an invitation from one of the students in that class to join him for coffee. He invited another student who also free-talks with me from that class to join us. I remembered another student who also free-talks with me and I invited her to join us there as well (thank goodness for cell phones and text-messaging). She brought a friend and we talked for a few hours. Another free-talking student also came during that time.
An awkward moment came at the end of the conversation when one student invited another student to his house for dinner. He asked me what my evening plans were and I wasn’t sure if he was inviting me or not. I asked him after embracing the awkwardness for a moment and he said he would do that another time. I made it clear to him that I wasn’t trying to invite myself but I was just trying to make some clarification. Hopefully he won’t feel obligated to invite me in the future.
After that I packed my belongings and came home to enjoy the food that a lady from church gave me earlier that day. Now I have come to the end of the day and am having an online conversation with one of my Vietnamese friends. What better way to end the day?
I think there are some good reasons why I feel the way I do. Of course this is one day, and it could just be the luck of the draw, but I suspect the lack of pressure also has something to do with it. Because this is Mid-Terms week most of my free-talking has been canceled. This subject is a puzzle to me as to how to manage free-talking with students without getting overwhelmed. Also, I am not responsible for the early-morning Bible study this week because of it being Mid-Terms week.
So I guess another thing, perhaps the most important thing, I’d like to do with my free-time is to develop relationships with people. I have also been able to continue the practice of studying Korean and doing a little bit with classroom work to prepare for tomorrow. Now I think I need to figure out a way to add exercise to my routine. I have done less chatting online tonight which I think has given me a chance to do other things.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Something else to do when I have more time
Today I did less free-talking than usual. This was nice in a way because it gave me a chance to do other things. But I still didn’t get ahead on my lesson plans like I was hoping. I’m afraid this means I’ll be spending another weekend preparing for lessons. It would seem like I could get this done during the week but it is very difficult for some reason. I can’t seem to kick that procrastinating tendency to put things off until the last minute.
Things were different today in many ways. I didn’t have my morning “Bible-study” because this is Mid-Terms week and we didn’t meet so students could spend more time studying. I hope they also took a chance to rest. I think it is interesting that I often see two students hanging out together a lot. I’m curious if this has something to do with the early morning program they are involved in. I guess that is one plus of the program.
I successfully studied Korean again tonight even though the productivity factor was lacking since I didn’t get started until it was late. But I think the practice of studying Korean is important even if I am not able to give as much energy to it as I would like. I’m starting to entertain the notion of an intensive Korean class when I get the opportunity. Of course the enthusiasm seems to taper off once I realize how expensive it is to take such a class. But I’m not seeing how I can learn Korean in a more efficient manner.
I learned today about the “Central Library” near the main subway station in the city where I live. I found out about it through the group of people I “teach” English to on Monday and Wednesday nights. This gave me an idea of a place to go on Sunday afternoons. It seems that one thing I do if I have free-time is to just go home. When I go home, I sometimes get sad as I am alone for the first time all day. This is sometimes a blessing and sometimes it seems to be a curse, especially as I continue to recover from a broken relationship. Since I’m working on a project about Korean culture and teaching English I think this just might be a good place to visit on Sunday afternoon or whenever I get some free-time. There is also a library even closer to where I live where I might be more productive in getting work done. I guess there are lots of things a person can do when one says no. But I didn’t say no, so I guess I have to remember this as I try to figure out a way to modify my free-talking schedule.
Things were different today in many ways. I didn’t have my morning “Bible-study” because this is Mid-Terms week and we didn’t meet so students could spend more time studying. I hope they also took a chance to rest. I think it is interesting that I often see two students hanging out together a lot. I’m curious if this has something to do with the early morning program they are involved in. I guess that is one plus of the program.
I successfully studied Korean again tonight even though the productivity factor was lacking since I didn’t get started until it was late. But I think the practice of studying Korean is important even if I am not able to give as much energy to it as I would like. I’m starting to entertain the notion of an intensive Korean class when I get the opportunity. Of course the enthusiasm seems to taper off once I realize how expensive it is to take such a class. But I’m not seeing how I can learn Korean in a more efficient manner.
I learned today about the “Central Library” near the main subway station in the city where I live. I found out about it through the group of people I “teach” English to on Monday and Wednesday nights. This gave me an idea of a place to go on Sunday afternoons. It seems that one thing I do if I have free-time is to just go home. When I go home, I sometimes get sad as I am alone for the first time all day. This is sometimes a blessing and sometimes it seems to be a curse, especially as I continue to recover from a broken relationship. Since I’m working on a project about Korean culture and teaching English I think this just might be a good place to visit on Sunday afternoon or whenever I get some free-time. There is also a library even closer to where I live where I might be more productive in getting work done. I guess there are lots of things a person can do when one says no. But I didn’t say no, so I guess I have to remember this as I try to figure out a way to modify my free-talking schedule.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
What would I do if I said no?
Since I wrote last there is one piece of my responsibility list that might be coming to an end. I will say more when it is official. For now I am just trying to maintain sanity until the end of the semester. Part of maintaining that sanity is to consider what I might do with my time if I said yes to fewer people.
Today I was reminded again of the necessity of being able to communicate in Korean. This came to mind today because I had a meeting this morning about the history of the hero of Korea. Even though foreign professors were given a translation of the content, the person speaking in Korean did not stop while we were given the translation and the content was presumably difficult to translate into another language. So I found myself being frustrated with the experience of waiting for a translation. This is why I find it less frustrating to listen only to Korean. Not that I can understand much of Korean, but in that case I am only tuned in to the person speaking in Korean.
So what would I do with the extra time if I had said yes to fewer people? I would be learning Korean. Now this sounds like a noble cause, maybe, but don’t let me fool you. I am not a good student. But the studying I have done so far has led me to the weak ability to send text messages and e-mail in Korean with a little ability to speak Korean when push comes to shove. But I think I need to find a way to immerse myself into Korean culture somehow.
This leads to my desire to practice justice. As I may have indicated before, I am thinking about ways to get involved in NGOs in South Korea. In order to do this I have to be able to speak in Korean. I am wondering if there are ways for me to get involved in NGOs in such a way that it would immerse me in Korean culture which would force me to learn to communicate in Korean. This would seem to be the best of all possible worlds.
Having less things to do outside of my university job would also enable me to take more time to invest in personal relationships. To be honest, this is my biggest downfall right now. This has probably been true most of my life. It seems that even after a year of living in the same place I still struggle to develop strong friendships. I often hide behind a busy schedule saying I don’t have time to do social things.
Now of course if I had more time on my hands I could do other things I am interested in doing, like writing, for instance. My current project is looking at Korean culture and seeing how that affects the English education system in Korea. Saying yes less often would give me a chance to do more with this. I have been itching to get into writing in some way since I graduated from seminary and especially since I moved to St. Louis. I started working on a project right before I came here and had to forego it due to moving to Korea. I couldn’t go to the conference anyway so it didn’t seem necessary to write a paper on the subject of the conference.
Am I missing anything?
Today I was reminded again of the necessity of being able to communicate in Korean. This came to mind today because I had a meeting this morning about the history of the hero of Korea. Even though foreign professors were given a translation of the content, the person speaking in Korean did not stop while we were given the translation and the content was presumably difficult to translate into another language. So I found myself being frustrated with the experience of waiting for a translation. This is why I find it less frustrating to listen only to Korean. Not that I can understand much of Korean, but in that case I am only tuned in to the person speaking in Korean.
So what would I do with the extra time if I had said yes to fewer people? I would be learning Korean. Now this sounds like a noble cause, maybe, but don’t let me fool you. I am not a good student. But the studying I have done so far has led me to the weak ability to send text messages and e-mail in Korean with a little ability to speak Korean when push comes to shove. But I think I need to find a way to immerse myself into Korean culture somehow.
This leads to my desire to practice justice. As I may have indicated before, I am thinking about ways to get involved in NGOs in South Korea. In order to do this I have to be able to speak in Korean. I am wondering if there are ways for me to get involved in NGOs in such a way that it would immerse me in Korean culture which would force me to learn to communicate in Korean. This would seem to be the best of all possible worlds.
Having less things to do outside of my university job would also enable me to take more time to invest in personal relationships. To be honest, this is my biggest downfall right now. This has probably been true most of my life. It seems that even after a year of living in the same place I still struggle to develop strong friendships. I often hide behind a busy schedule saying I don’t have time to do social things.
Now of course if I had more time on my hands I could do other things I am interested in doing, like writing, for instance. My current project is looking at Korean culture and seeing how that affects the English education system in Korea. Saying yes less often would give me a chance to do more with this. I have been itching to get into writing in some way since I graduated from seminary and especially since I moved to St. Louis. I started working on a project right before I came here and had to forego it due to moving to Korea. I couldn’t go to the conference anyway so it didn’t seem necessary to write a paper on the subject of the conference.
Am I missing anything?
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Saying no
4/18/09 Saying No
This is my first entry on my new computer. Well, not the first since I used text edit before. But this is my first entry on my MacBook since I purchased IWork. I will save the commercial for that software for another time. I am following a friend’s advice to journal as a way of taking time for myself. I have a problem with this and I am a basketcase tonight because of a broken relationship after dating someone for a month. One of my uncles tells me we should always learn from our experiences and I think I have learned that I am in an unstable emotional state and am therefore not ready for a romantic relationship.
My assignment for today is to talk about what would happen if I were to say no. My immediate reaction was that it would be like cutting teeth. When I first heard this expression in seminary I thought it referred to the cutting that happens when the dentist removes a person’s wisdom teeth. It turns out that this is a reference to when a baby’s teeth first grow in place. My answer is still the same.
This probably doesn’t make sense. It is difficult for me to say no. I try to see the relational redemption in helping someone. Since I am living in another country I figure that the best way to get to know people is to do favors for them. But this also means that I cannot do what I would like to do because I am helping other people out. Currently, it also means that I am not able to prepare as much for classes as I would like to do. But the other problem is that I am not always good about getting work done if I am not busy.
I guess for starters I should talk about what I do. Mondays are supposed to be my research days but so far I’ve been using them as my catch-up days. One day I cleaned my apartment in preparation for my then girlfriend who was coming to visit. Other times I have prepared for classes. Then I meet with a Korean family to free-talk in English and have dinner with them. After that I teach an English class at City Hall. This is interesting and much more enjoyable than what I do at the university because people are more motivated to learn. I teach this class twice a week. My regular university responsibilities include teaching three classes, free-talking and a maximum of two meetings a week. I’m also meeting with students at 7am on Tuesday and Wednesdays for a “bible study” and free-talking with the same group in the evening on Thursdays. Fridays I teach a class and usually meet with students for free-talking. They didn’t show up last week so that probably means they gave up on the class. I’m also teaching an English free-talking class at a church on Tuesdays, helping with an English service at 9am on Sundays, teaching English after the service, going to a Korean service, eating lunch with people at church and then teaching an English class at another church.
There are other things I would like to do as well that are difficult to do since I am not good at saying no. I’m curious about ways I can help people, especially those who are poor. I’m still processing through this and I don’t think it will happen easily. I feel guilty many times because I’m not doing anything to help poor people. Even when I feel fulfilled I feel bad because I’m not doing much to help poor people. I’m also feeling a burden to learn Korean which is still quite poor for me. I’m embarassed to be among the many foreigners who cannot speak Korean fluently. I would like to get involved with NGOs (Non-Government Organizations) which seems to be virtually impossible unless I learn to speak in Korean.
This is my first entry on my new computer. Well, not the first since I used text edit before. But this is my first entry on my MacBook since I purchased IWork. I will save the commercial for that software for another time. I am following a friend’s advice to journal as a way of taking time for myself. I have a problem with this and I am a basketcase tonight because of a broken relationship after dating someone for a month. One of my uncles tells me we should always learn from our experiences and I think I have learned that I am in an unstable emotional state and am therefore not ready for a romantic relationship.
My assignment for today is to talk about what would happen if I were to say no. My immediate reaction was that it would be like cutting teeth. When I first heard this expression in seminary I thought it referred to the cutting that happens when the dentist removes a person’s wisdom teeth. It turns out that this is a reference to when a baby’s teeth first grow in place. My answer is still the same.
This probably doesn’t make sense. It is difficult for me to say no. I try to see the relational redemption in helping someone. Since I am living in another country I figure that the best way to get to know people is to do favors for them. But this also means that I cannot do what I would like to do because I am helping other people out. Currently, it also means that I am not able to prepare as much for classes as I would like to do. But the other problem is that I am not always good about getting work done if I am not busy.
I guess for starters I should talk about what I do. Mondays are supposed to be my research days but so far I’ve been using them as my catch-up days. One day I cleaned my apartment in preparation for my then girlfriend who was coming to visit. Other times I have prepared for classes. Then I meet with a Korean family to free-talk in English and have dinner with them. After that I teach an English class at City Hall. This is interesting and much more enjoyable than what I do at the university because people are more motivated to learn. I teach this class twice a week. My regular university responsibilities include teaching three classes, free-talking and a maximum of two meetings a week. I’m also meeting with students at 7am on Tuesday and Wednesdays for a “bible study” and free-talking with the same group in the evening on Thursdays. Fridays I teach a class and usually meet with students for free-talking. They didn’t show up last week so that probably means they gave up on the class. I’m also teaching an English free-talking class at a church on Tuesdays, helping with an English service at 9am on Sundays, teaching English after the service, going to a Korean service, eating lunch with people at church and then teaching an English class at another church.
There are other things I would like to do as well that are difficult to do since I am not good at saying no. I’m curious about ways I can help people, especially those who are poor. I’m still processing through this and I don’t think it will happen easily. I feel guilty many times because I’m not doing anything to help poor people. Even when I feel fulfilled I feel bad because I’m not doing much to help poor people. I’m also feeling a burden to learn Korean which is still quite poor for me. I’m embarassed to be among the many foreigners who cannot speak Korean fluently. I would like to get involved with NGOs (Non-Government Organizations) which seems to be virtually impossible unless I learn to speak in Korean.
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