Houston, We've Got A Problem!

Wow! That's my response after reading the chapter for tonight from Feeling Good. Here I thought I had made all kinds of progress and it turns out I'm still thinking in some majorly unhealthy ways. How does a guy who falls in love with philosophy and logical thinking get so messed up in his own thinking and perception of day-to-day kinds of issues?

The first part starts out well with some common statements about figuring out what causes one's depression and how important it is to deal with that in order to get down to the root of one's depression. There's even a practical method for figuring this out.

It's the test that comes next, proposed as an alternative, easier way to evaluate oneself, that was so alarming to me. In all six areas including approval, love, achievement, perfectionism, entitlement, omnipotence and autonomy, I scored in the negative. The good news is that if I take the coming chapters serious and use the tools of the book, I may be able to overcome these challenges. The bad news is that I must be bringing on this depression myself just because of the way I think. I've been told a number of times that I think too much, but I would say that my problem is not in thinking but just in thinking inappropriately. I suppose not thinking would cut the source and perhaps end my bad thinking.

I had an interesting conversation with a colleague who is helping me with a research program. The truth is that Nahk Bohk should have cast me out of his office a long time ago. The irony is that those things which would seem negative to me like my English communication-skills seeming less fluent than a native speaker usually is, my negative thinking, my complaints about the universities policies, and my lacking the appearance of a preacher and being much gloomier than any other Christian he'd encountered were the very things that made him want to be friends with me. Now I don't quite get this. It would seem like these things are vices and he would want to steer clear of me, but after giving him plenty of reasons not to tell me to come back, he kept inviting me back. Now I think Lewis B. Smedes would call this grace.